No Better Mistake
by x3paiger
Summary: RL/SB SLASH. In their seventh year at Hogwarts, Remus and Sirius finally give in and accept what they've both needed all along. M for language and sexuality. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**No Better Mistake**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING. : )

**A few notes before I begin...**

1. I hate Peter Pettigrew and I make every effort to not include him in the story.

2. I try to be as accurate to the real characters/story as possible, with the exception of a few details (example: I don't know when their real birthdays are, so I made my own, and I chose to make Sirius get his own place AFTER seventh year (18), not at 17).

3. This is a story about two men in a relationship. AKA, they are homosexuals. AKA, if you're not okay with that, don't read it.

4. It gets pretty serious/sexual, so reader discretion is advised.

ANYWAY.

**1**

It was 10:15. Two hours after James Potter's meeting with McGonagall had ended, and twenty minutes before he would burst into their dormitory; face pink, eyes shining, full of unsuppressed glee from library time he had spent studying with Lily. James' actions were like clockwork; always the same, if due to nothing else other than Lily's ever-present punctuality. These sessions were his nightly ritual and Remus had been extremely careful to note his patterns. If he had not, he would have felt much more apprehensive about lying in bed with his friend and dorm mate, Sirius Black.

However, as it was, the two were lounged, uncharacteristically quiet, on Remus' scarlet-hung four-poster bed. Sirius lay on his back, still dressed in his school uniform, but with long bare feet and his tie and sweater discarded, leaving him looking rumpled in only his slightly wrinkled button-down and well-tailored slacks. His dark hair spread out slightly on the pillowcase, falling back to expose his partially closed, somewhat sleepy eyes; gray in color and framed by full, dark lashes. One hand briefly rubbed the several day's worth, dark scruff on his chin and face, and the other absentmindedly turned a soft tendril of Remus' hair over, and over, and over again. Remus lay in his way, his head resting on Sirius' hard chest, smelling his familiar scent—a combination of day-old cologne, soap, and the very hint of cigarettes. Sirius had been trying to quit, after all. Remus' casual wear was so worn it almost melded into his surprisingly soft, though scarred, skin, and from the position he lay in he moved one hand faintly under Sirius' shirt, gently touching his cool, soft hand into the flesh of his side, relaxing tense muscles.

His eyes were closed, and the hair Sirius was so skillfully stroking was a light brown in color, straight, and beginning to sweep over his eyes; speckled here and there with a delicate, silver hair, particularly around the temples. Both boys' bare feet were entwined, their legs meeting each other in a complicated, but comfortable, position. Neither was under the carefully made sheets of Remus' bed, and neither cared to draw the heavy scarlet curtains; instead, they enjoyed the moonlight that was floating in through the dormitory window, the only light in the room beside the glowing fire. They still had a number of minutes to rise and pull themselves into sitting positions, pick up the books they had discarded on the floor and pretend, as always, that they were studying. However, at the current moment, neither felt a strong desire to end their sleepy and well-practiced embrace.

"It's a quarter past," Sirius murmured, having raised one arm to check his watch face. It had been a gift from James and his parents last year, when he turned seventeen; a traditional gift from the parents of a wizard who was coming of age. At the age of eighteen, Sirius hadn't lived with his own family for almost two years now, although he did occasionally see his younger brother Regulus, a Slytherin fifth-year, eating or studying amongst his emerald-clad cronies; and the pang of hatred he'd experienced when he glimpsed his abandoned family, picking up Regulus as they'd left for summer last year, was still fresh in his mind. However, the watch he wore served as a barrier for the burning anger that sometimes wanted to force itself through. It reminded him of his best friend, James, and the hospitality James and his parents had extended onto him. James' family had seen many great witches and wizards, and, as a result, they were extremely wealthy and well prepared to participate in such practices such as the traditional watch giving. Sirius' watch, he knew, had been purchased, new, and not handed down, as evident from the supple, yet firm leather band. Remus heard the familiar tick within the white-gold face of the device, and made his first sound in over a quarter of an hour: a soft, reluctant sigh.

Sirius moved his hand from Remus' head to his soft shirt, an action that Remus responded to by scooting further up Sirius' body, his head now resting in the crook of the taller boy's neck. Sirius rubbed circles on Remus' back as the younger's hand moved down the expanse of Sirius' chest, feeling the soft hairs that grew under his collarbone and down his stomach. In a delicate manner that only Remus knew, Sirius gently kissed the top of Remus' shampooed, sweet-smelling hair. Moving his right hand, he used one callused finger to lift Remus' chin, as if he needed any form of encouragement. With eyes closed, their lips met; closing the gap between them seamlessly, and easily. In response, Remus allowed his other hand to creep up behind them, finding Sirius' long, dark strands, and closing them in around his hand.

Sirius smiled into their prolonged kiss, his hands moving down Remus' back and face. "Love you… so much," he murmured into the kiss, briefly drawing apart and then planting another, soft meeting onto Remus' lips. Remus had a small, very faded scar going from his left ear to cheek, and a yellowing bruise from a previous week's transformation on his neck, and Sirius' eyes traced them eagerly, as if trying to memorize his face

Remus didn't respond with words, instead, he drew his mouth away from Sirius', and brought both hands down his chest, lingering only momentarily at the pearly, bottom button of Sirius' shirt. Slowly, he opened the garment from the bottom up, planting tender kisses on the slightly olive-toned flesh that surrounded Sirius' navel, feeling his hair brush on his cheek and smelling his scent. Sirius sighed, letting his head fall back again on the pillow, closing his eyes as Remus mouth drifted up his torso, both hands now interlocked with Remus' fine, light hair. In this position, he couldn't see the moons of his watch face, telling him time was ticking dangerously closer to the time when James would burst into their dormitory. They had become bolder in their actions with each other, and with their actions within the dormitory. Only a few months ago, Remus wouldn't have dared to kiss Sirius where, and how he was kissing him now, and Sirius wouldn't have let himself slip away in a drowsy, pleasurable state. Months ago, they would have broken their embrace a quarter of an hour before James was supposed to arrive, just to be safe. Months ago, Sirius wouldn't have sighed in the way he did now, and Remus wouldn't have let his hands grip Sirius' sides, gently beginning to dig with his nails. Months ago, James wouldn't have been so friendly with Lily; so friendly her clockwork actions had become less and less precise. Months ago, they would have heard James begun to bound up the stone steps outside.

Just a few months ago… they would have been more careful.

They drew apart at the loud bang of the dormitory dorm, but by then, it was too late. James Potter stood in the doorway of their room, the vast grin that had filled his face now quickly falling; confused, hurt, and shocked. His mouth gaped, unable to form words, and yet he couldn't look away.

Horrified, Sirius leap off of Remus' bed, hastily trying to button his shirt, but getting them all wrong as he simultaneously rushed across the room to his best friend's side. "James—let me explain—"

"What the fuck are you two doing?" James exclaimed, drawing away from Sirius' outstretched hand, as if afraid that, he too, would fall victim to his embrace. "Sirius—Remus—I—"

Remus' face worked furiously as he rose from his own four-poster, also coming toward James, trying very hard to smile, and look calm. "James, if we could just talk to you…"

"How long have you two been doing this?" James gasped, as Sirius dropped his hands and tried to remain a respectable distance away from the boy he had been, seconds ago, embracing. He looked desperately at Remus, who, flushed, and rumpled, looked nothing like the studious and quiet Lupin they had become used too. James ran his hand through his hair, a horrible habit, and crossed his arms as he asked his next question: "How—how long have you been fucking?"

"We _aren't."_ Sirius protested, moving again to place his hand on James' shoulder. "James, it's not like that—"

"Then what is it like, Black? What happened?" James bellowed, his voice rising swiftly. "You two were obviously in—in the bed doing— I don't know what and you—"

"James," Sirius pleaded, "James, it's—"

"I don't even want to think about what you're doing—"

"James!" he persisted, louder. "Just let me talk!"

"—the fact that you lied to me; have been lying to me; hiding—"

"James, we're not just fucking!" Sirius bellowed, closing the gap between him and his best friend. "I… I'm… I'm sorry. But I do…. love him."

Once again, James was at a loss for words. He continued to open and close his mouth, but nothing came out. He slowly turned, at the aid of Sirius' hands, and collapsed onto his bed, staring, confused, down at his open hands.

It seemed like hours. Remus stood, a short distance away from the two, chewing anxiously on a thumb nail, crossing his arms across his chest as if he was the one who had been exposed. Sirius stood over James, shirt still askew, breathing heavily as if he had just played a marathon of Quidditch. His eyes were clouded with desperation, begging for James, who was like a brother to him, to listen; to understand. Finally, after several seconds where only Sirius' heavy breathing was heard, James looked up again at Sirius.

"What happened?" he asked but his time, the anger had melted away from his face, replaced only with confusion, and hurt. "Just tell me… how this happened."

In relief, Sirius let on a cry and sank onto the ground weakly, as if his legs would no longer support him. Remus remained standing, and for the first time, James shifted his gaze over to him. "Remus…" James croaked, and Remus melted onto the bed beside him. James' eyes flitted back between the two boys, waiting, and both were surprised at Remus opened his mouth, and began to speak.

"It started this past summer…"

**EDIT: Tell me what you think VIA COMMENT! : D**


	2. Chapter 2

**No Better Mistake**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING. : )

**Notes:**

Thank you guys SO MUCH for the alerts and comments and stuff! I'm so happy to see that people are interested, because I've been working on this fanfiction for a long time! It's actually completed - I'll just be posting a new chapter every couple days.

If you have any questions about the story or me, or anything, just let me know!

Thanks again guys! 3

**2**

Lifting his eyes skyward, Remus Lupin gazed resentfully toward the shimmering, hazy ball of light above him. The sun was beating down hard on his pale skin, burning holes as it mocked him. Remus sighed, scuffing the toe of his trainer along the warped wood of his back deck, averting his gaze from the object of his hatred and using dirty nails to pull and tear at the peeling wood. As he rolled a pale splinter between his fingers, he sighed again. There was no doubt about it; Remus was growing bored and frustrated of the summer holidays. It had been fun for awhile, relaxing, reading, and seeing his parents, but now he was irritated by the fact he couldn't perform magic, and he was itching to get back to Hogwarts; his true home, and the Marauders; his family.

Remus brushed off the back of his jeans, which, several summers ago had become too short and had been chopped viciously to knee length, and rose, shoving his hands in his pockets as he began, yet again, to stride across his family's expansive land. They didn't own it all because they were particularly wealthy, or even because they needed it to farm or raise animals; in fact, the several acres of rolling, grassy fields and tangled forests served another purpose entirely. At the age of ten, Remus' parents had told him, with tight smiles, that the home they were buying was a quaint, countryside cottage, and "a little fresh air and space would be good for them all". The real reason they moved, they all knew, was for Remus—or, rather, _because _of him. The family's suburban home had quickly become impractical after Remus' attack, and the open land, away from possible werewolf prey, provided a secretive and evasive space. And, Remus mused, as he slowly trod along the worn paths, it wasn't that this was a _bad _thing (he quite agreed with it on a practical sense), but it certainly made interactions with other wizards difficult.

Remus was ever grateful for owl post. At the thought, he let his eyes glance skyward again, as if expecting to see an army of owls come swooping down, but the clear, cerulean sky showed nothing of the sort. The letters from his friends helped ease the complete solitude of his living situation, but Remus yearned for his school four-poster and the constant companion of his three best friends: Peter Pettigrew, James Potter, and Sirius Black. Remus' mother, a ministry worker, Apparated out early every morning, and his father, the successful owner of a small bookshop, did the same, leaving Remus alone in the vast expanse of land from dawn until late evening. The family did not argue or bicker, but they were certainly not as close as they could be. There was, and always would be, a certain _discomfort _over Remus' "problem", as both parents could never seem to find the words to discuss it. Family dinners were regular, and smiles and light laughter were exchanged over the passing of peas and carrots, but no real substance was ever discussed, and the Lupins knew very little of Remus' friends or work at Hogwarts. As a result of this disconnect and solitude, Remus spent his days wandering the grass; his nights reading; and his monthly transformations far away from the small cottage.

At the present moment, it was late afternoon, and as Remus wandered and pondered, he desperately wished for something: a prank to play on Snape, a Quidditch match, a fierce debate with James, or a biting joke from Sirius, funny only because it was aimed at someone else. The four friends were about to enter their seventh year (Remus would turn seventeen just before the cutoff; the youngest of the group), and were finally maturing, but still, Remus hung on to the spontaneity and pranks of their younger years. Although James and Sirius took the forefront of most of their trysts, Remus was often the brains behind them. He didn't always agree with their methods or motives, but, after six years together, the thought process behind new spells to dye Snape's hair or trick younger Gryffindors into taking the wrong staircase were almost second nature. He contemplated his position in the group as he picked off blades of grass, splitting them down their center. He didn't feel sorry for himself—he never did, he was only irritated, and wishing…

In the thick heat and stillness of the day, a breeze suddenly rippled across the lush green ocean, making waves that bent and broke at Remus' feet. Surprised, he looked around, wiping his hair (which was in need of a trim by now) off of his sweaty brow; searching for the cause of movement. In a fraction of a second, a deep, dragon's rumble filled the air, and Remus squinted his eyes as something large, black, and loud came hurtling directly toward his head.

Shocked, he dove to avoid the intruding, flying object—as much as he could at least, because it was only a matter of moments as a huge, black motorbike hovered, then landed, mere inches away from him. Remus didn't move from his crouched position within the grass; feeling the blades scratch against his shins and tickle his chin. The figure on the bike jumped off, and that was when Remus stood up and ran toward him, because pulling off a black helmet and rucksack and shaking out his long hair was none other than Sirius Black.

"Hey!" Sirius called over the dying roar of the machine's engine. The two momentarily embraced; Remus felt Sirius' sweat-soaked back underneath his palms during their brief hug, and he knew his own sticky t-shirt felt the same. He felt awkward about this, but only slightly, because the touch ended almost as soon as it began. Breaking apart, the two grinned. Sirius was handsome, with proud, lean features and a contrasting wide smile that was genuine always around his best friends. Remus' face was flooded with color, and the sun reflected off of his caramel-colored eyes as if the light burst from inside of him, struggling to get out. With a long arm, Sirius gestured widely to the shining bike before them, which glittered in the afternoon sun. "What do you think?" he asked.

Remus ran a hand down the bike's smooth, onyx surface. "Where did you get a _flying _motorcycle?" he asked, not really answering Sirius' question. He knew the boy was intrigued, had always been intrigued with Muggle automobiles. Sirius had confessed to him once that the home he lived in, though it was one of a strict pureblood heritage, stood secretly between dozens of Muggle homes, and Sirius had spent long hours of his childhood watching the cars and bikes outside, counting the different colors. For a long time, Sirius had spoken of his desire to obtain a driver's license, and the past year he had plastered their dormitory with stationary photos and clippings of motorcycles. However, as he and Sirius both knew, no motorcycles _flew _in the Muggle world, so it could only be inferred that…

"I… modified it, a little," Sirius admitted, still grinning, "and used a good bit of the money from my parents." Two summers before, Sirius had, in a wild rage, ran away from the home where his infatuation had begun, and he had been living with James' much more tolerant family in Godric's Hollow ever since. James parents, though pureblood like Sirius' were happy to accept Sirius' love for Muggle inventions, and doted over Remus, despite knowing that he was a werewolf. They would have been happy to support Sirius, however, prior to outbreak, he had emptied as much as he could from the Black family's vault, despite the fact that his (also dubbed "traitor") uncle had left him a considerable sum of money, and Remus assumed that was what he was talking about when he said "from my parents". As far as the "modifications" went, Sirius may have been stingy with schoolwork in the past, but he was no idiot—and the combined efforts of himself, James, who was quite keen on Transfiguration, and Lily Evans (who had finally become quite friendly with the group, and, as Remus knew, spent a large portion of her time with both in Godric's Hollow), a stellar Charms student, would probably have produced some very neat and well-executed additions to the bike. "Isn't it beautiful?"

Remus, although he was no real judge of any vehicles, especially not flying ones (he didn't even enjoy being up on a broomstick), had to agree. The bike was indeed impressive, but the way it lit up Sirius' face was the real beauty. Remus spent so many hours longing for their younger days for several reasons now; one of them being the changes in Sirius as the group of four approached their seventh, and final year of school. After the close, and very horrifying brush with death and expulsion they had all experienced with Snape, the group had changed in a way Remus had not foreseen, and this change had caused both good and bad. James had indeed saved Severus Snape from certain death, and the act of saving one of Lily's oldest (and strangest) friends had not gone unnoticed by the redhead, despite her apparent anger with the Slytherin. James had finally learned to stop performing tricks and shows around her, and now strove to impress her with his knowledge, and loyalty—traits he had always possessed, but now, they had earned him the position of Head Boy for their upcoming year. Sirius had grown more solemn as well as he aged; the grinning, cocky Gryffindor still existed, but the incident with Snape and then the removal from his home had been the final straws to Sirius, no matter how much he had hated Grimmauld Place. Sirius was no longer a boy who messed around with dangerous jokes; he was a man: hardened, experienced, and more determined than ever to stand for what he thought was right in the world. Remus had not seen such a pure joy shine in Sirius' eyes in a very long time, and he, for one, was glad.

"It is, " he finally agreed, looking up at his older friend, "It's really cool, Padfoot."

Content, Sirius now gazed off toward the direction of Remus' distant home, squinting in the bright light. The Marauders had never been to his place for obvious reasons, and so Remus could only guess that Sirius had installed some sort of directional system in the very changed bike. Sirius cast wide glances over the fields, a smile playing across his face, and Remus wondered if he was thinking of Quidditch, where he had formally played beater, or perhaps all the open space he could have had to ride or fly his new motorcycle.

"Great space, Moony," Sirius commented, "it's huge out here." He turned with a knowing look at Remus, and, for some reason, Remus felt his face grow even hotter under the midday sun. He knew Sirius had made the connection between open space and werewolf transformations. All three of Remus' friends had successfully (but illegally) become Animagi, Sirius' form being a large, black dog. Sirius knew quite well how violent Remus could become during his transformations, and still, Remus was embarrassed.

"Where's James?" he asked, changing the subject.

Sirius laughed, bark-like. "Oh… with Lily. Where else?"

"They're certainly friendly now, aren't they?" Remus and Lily had been prefects together in addition to classmates, and Remus had known all too well her early annoyance with his friend. The past year _had _yielded many changes, however, and he was not at all surprised to hear that the boy was busy with Lily.

"They're… visiting someone… or something," Sirius shrugged, "anyway, I wanted to come and see your place. I was hoping I could stay for a while." He looked hopefully at Remus, and then pressed on as he saw Remus beginning to open his mouth in protest. "They're going to be a few days on their little trip, see," he explained, "and you know I love the Potters, but there's only so much tea I can drink with those two… and you love spending time with me, admit it…"

Sirius did look pitiful as he gazed upon Remus, his expression puppy-like. The sun was finally beginning to set, and Remus knew his parents would be home soon, but, if he were to be honest with himself, he knew the two would have no problem with his fellow Gryffindor staying over. They did like the idea of Remus having friends, and he knew their guilt in leaving him daily would be lessened if they thought he weren't alone. Besides that, Sirius' handsome smile and outgoing personality had charmed many before, and Remus was sure his parents would be no exception.

"Sure," he finally answered, breaking into a true smile. This is what he had desired, after all: company, someone to relieve his loneliness. He took Sirius' bag from him as Sirius walked his bike back to the small cottage, wondering what they would find to occupy their time for the next couple days.

**Comments? :D Pleeease.**


	3. Chapter 3

**No Better Mistake**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING. : )

**Notes:**

I have been getting SO MANY people putting me on their alert lists - I'm so excited! It means a lot to me : ) However, I still would really, **really** love some **comments. **Even if it's just to say, "I really like this line: _" or "I hate that you did _". I would love to hear some real feedback! However, thank you all so much for reading and following... trust me, it's only gonna get better ; )

**3**

Dinner that night was awkward, to say the least. After the short introduction of his friend, the four had settled to a dinner of forced conversation, overdone carrots, and chicken. The kitchen, decorated with faded blue china and peeling wallpaper, was not used to holding more than the three Lupins, and the spindly wood chairs they were perched on seemed to groan under their weight even more than usual, practically begging Sirius and Remus to hurry up, and leave. The small, plain table had been set with a white tablecloth, and, with Sirius to his left and his tall, pale father to his right, Remus suddenly realized the hilarity of the situation. Sirius was, in a fashion typical to his younger years, smiling widely as he ate everything placed before him, trying every few minutes to engage in conversation with the older witch and wizard. The two Lupins, who had grown accustom to eating in silence, were regarding him with a kind of shocked curiosity, as if they were astounded that someone eating dinner with them could be so full of vibrancy, and that this young, rugged wizard was a friend of their son's.

"So," said Sirius again, taking yet another stab at friendly conversation, "Mrs. Lupin, how is everything at work?"

The blonde witch look pained, looking from her quiet husband back again at Sirius. "Well—uh—it's—"

Remus suddenly gave a snort into the glass of water he was drinking, and Sirius grinned at him, patting him on the back as Remus coughed and attempted to hide his mirth.

"You all right?" his father asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Fine—fine—" Remus wheezed, avoiding Sirius' twinkling eyes, because he knew that if he met them, he would be unable to contain his laughter, "Just—Sirius and I have… go to go out. Haven't we Sirius?"

"Oh—yes," he caught on instantly, popping a last bit of the carrot into his mouth, "we were going to go… to go visit a friend," he finished brightly. "I was going to take him by Side-Along Apparation… if that's all right," he added hastily, looking from one parent to another.

"Side-Along…? Yes, that's fine…" Mr. Lupin muttered, casting his son a quizzical look and then dropping his eyes again. He had long since abandoned trying to eat the now cold vegetables, and was using his fork to trace the china pattern that bordered his plate. Catching Remus' eye, Sirius grinned, gulping down a final slurp of water and beginning to rise. The two boys made motions as if to clear the table, but Mrs. Lupin shooed them off. "Go, Remus," she said, "have fun." She graced him with a small, rare smile that Remus hadn't seen in quite a while. He smiled back, a question forming on his lips that he didn't utter as Sirius and himself hurried out of the awkward situation.

Standing on his porch, Sirius turned, again, to his friend. "So, Moony," he began, smiling, "where to?"

Remus opened his mouth, as if to speak, but closed it again almost immediately. Just a few hours ago, he would have given anything to leave his home and go anywhere, but now that he actually _could, _well… he just didn't know where to get off too. On top of that, while he trusted Sirius (a very capable wizard by most standards), the prospect of Side-Along Apparation over a considerable distance made him very nervous indeed. He'd only done it a few times before, and during those occasions he'd wished fervently that he was of age – he didn't like depending on someone, and certainly not a fellow Marauder, to ensure he wouldn't get splinched. But now, standing on the porch, with Sirius' eyes shining like a new puppy, Remus couldn't make the suggestion that had begun to form in his throat: the thought that maybe they should just go back inside and sit down in Remus' room with a good book. He felt in his back pocket—his wallet was there: several coins along with a few pounds of Muggle money for the rare trip into the village several miles away. He wasn't exactly dressed to impress – the same, faded denim cutoffs he'd been wearing all day with a t-shirt in a similar state of distress. Sirius looked far better in comparison; as a result of nothing other than his naturally handsome features. That grungy, lazy look, Remus mused, a little jealously, actually suited him; his worn, slightly ripped jeans had been rolled up several times in a reaction to the heat, and Sirius' white t-shirt, bearing the name of his favorite Muggle band (despite the hatred of Sirius' family for it, Remus had to admit, Sirius did quite fancy Muggles) in black letters was in an equal state of wear and tear. Neither looked fit for any sort of jaunt besides a casual one, so, Remus suggested, "coffee?" with a somewhat hopeful air.

"Where's the place?" Sirius asked, using a hand to push back his long, straight hair. As Remus gave him the address, he screwed up his face, as if trying to recall something very painful. "Destination… determination…" he muttered under his breath. Remus suddenly had a very nasty image of Sirius' right hand, which was still grazing the top of his head, lying by itself on the ground, scurrying around like some sort of deformed spider.

"You know, Sirius – " he interrupted loudly, "we don't we just ride there? Without flying, " he added hastily as Sirius' face lit up. "It's only a few miles away."

"Great idea," Sirius agreed, running over to his bike where it was propped under a tree. Throwing the spare helmet to Remus, he jammed his own onto his head, grinning. Admittedly, Remus felt only a little more confident about this idea over Apparation, but at least this way, he reminded himself, his body would be in only one place if they hit a nasty turn. He climbed onto Sirius' motorbike, behind him, apprehensively. With a jolt, Sirius brought the bike to life, and, beginning to worry, Remus looked around quickly for something to hold on to.

"Put your hands on my waist, mate," Sirius yelled over the roar of the engine, "Here – " he grabbed Remus' hands from behind him, pulling Remus in so his chest was flush against Sirius' already sweating back; his hands wrapped tightly around his torso. While Sirius seemed completely undaunted by this, Remus felt a somewhat familiar swooping in his stomach – something he'd begun to experience toward the end of their last year. It was a nervous, yet hopeful feeling, and Remus quickly dismissed the feeling as nerves as the bike began to bump along the dirt road, heading toward the rapidly setting sun.

The two rode along without speaking much, due to the deafening sounds of the large bike. As they entered a more populated part of town, Remus' fears as Sirius swerved between traffic began to ebb away – he was beginning to pick up on things only noticed by wizards – fire hydrants and streetlights seem to positively jump out of their way, and no matter how many cars Sirius cut off, there was always just enough space for them to squeeze through. It became obvious that the bike was enhanced with more than just the ability to fly, and soon Remus found his old Marauder sense of humor flying around him like the traffic, whooping and yelling alongside Sirius as they dodged and veered through the night streets. He had to scream, grinning, in Sirius' ears as they neared their destination, unlinking his hand to point to the right: "turn there!"

They turned off the road they were riding on onto a much less dense street, riding along only moment before they neared a beat-down looking shop bearing its name in hand-painted, slightly uphill letters. Sirius pulled into the fairly deserted parking lot and slowed down a great deal to come to a smooth stop near a flowering tree. By this time, it was almost completely dark, and the light from the shop illuminated their faces enough so that, as Sirius extended a hand to his shorter friend to assist his dissent from the bike, he couldn't quite see the flush across Remus' cheeks.

"Is this a Muggle place?" Sirius asked, interested, and Remus was grateful for Sirius' turn away from him and toward the building. They began walking across the parking lot as Remus answered, "pretty much – the owner's a wizard, but it's mostly been a lot of Muggles. A pretty eclectic crowd." The door let out a crinkly chime sound as they pushed it open, and Remus quickly led Sirius toward a favorite spot of his in a back corner. They had barely sank into a squashy, low couch when an older man scurried up to them, a stack of cups perched precariously on one hand, a pen stuck over his very hairy ear. He was a full head shorter than Remus, and asked, "yes, what'll it be?" in a matter-of-fact tone.

Remus looked at Sirius, who was looking amused, and quickly gave their order, watching the old man dash away toward his counter. Remus took this opportunity to look around the familiar walls and furniture. Remus enjoyed the shop not for the owner or employees – he enjoyed it for its delightful mix of unexpected and routine. Every time, the same, melting candles, the same unmatched, chipped coffee cups, and yet, always different people. Remus made the walk or bike ride with a book, sometimes reading it, but more often than not he would sit and watch others come and go, wondering about their stories. Once he'd watched two middle age women play several games of cards, whooping at their bad hands; another time, a much more emotional scene between a young couple; and, every so often, he saw another renegade such as himself, book or pen in hand, engrossed in thought.

He turned, the word forming on his tongue to tell Sirius this, and found Sirius looking past him with a curious expression toward two girls, who were giggling, a few tables away. Immediately, the thought died within him as he blushed and hastily lifted up the steaming cup that had just been placed in front of him.

"Girls?" he asked, by way of a question, unable to stop himself from blurting it out. Sirius looked at him with a smirk, ripping open several sugar packets at once to add to his coffee.

"Do I have one?" Sirius supplied, pulling a face at his still bitter coffee. "No, Remus… you'll be happy to hear that."

Remus felt the coffee burn his throat as he hastily swallowed a large gulp of coffee. "Why would I care about that?" he choked, attempting a nonchalant air. He felt his throat may have blistered, but he ignored the searing pain and smiled at Sirius with what he clearly thought was a winning grin, but it looked more like a grimace.

The truth, unfortunately, for reasons Remus couldn't understand, was, that he _did_ care. Although Sirius was finally growing up, Remus could attribute the real sadness of his friend's personality to one thing—or, rather, many of the same, tall, beautiful, and giggling _thing_. Girls. Remus had watched Sirius carefully over the past year, and while their experiences may have hardened the boy, they served to make him stronger, while Sirius' growing infatuation with dating seemed to have the opposite effect. Once a caring, though cocky boy who had dated only a few girls casually, Sirius seemed to have embraced his position as one of the most sought-after young men in Hogwarts, and he responded to it with such apparent enthusiasm it had shocked Remus. To hear Sirius talk about the opposite sex had been commonplace, but the sheer number of dates and meetings he seemed to have surprised all of them in the dormitory. It seemed every night of much of their sixth year Sirius was returning late to their dormitory, sometimes even borrowing James' Invisibility Cloak to meet people at night. With James' "bad boy" status dwindling further and further (as he became even closer to Lily Evans and even starter _earning_ points for the house) Sirius went in the opposite direction – taking as many points as James would gain for his outlandish gallivants involving women; approaching a point of recklessness typically only reached by all four Marauders causing as much mayhem as possible.

And yet somehow, it seemed as though the more girls Sirius kissed, the more unhappy he became. Though seemingly a ball of energy when he walked, hand-in-hand with a smiling girl, the dark circles under his eyes and self-induced isolation did not seem to fit the picture. Sirius was always gone – walking the Quidditch pitch, alone, sneaking into Hogsmeade, or even studying in the library. This troubled all of his friends, but Remus in particular, who had never know Sirius to be so… well… serious.

This behavior continued until one month, close to summertime, when Sirius' many trysts about the castle kept him so late that he missed one of Remus' transformations. This was particularly shocking, because, out of the three, he had always been the most concerned and most knowledgeable on the subject; his Animagus form was even the closest in size and species to Remus' werewolf form. Prior to his missed full moon, Sirius had been the only one of the four to remain with Remus the morning after – the two others, always finding excuses to leave (though James' were usually more well-founded than Peter's feeble ones). He insisted, always, that it was for his peace of mind only, but Remus knew better, and despite the initial embarrassment it had caused him to wake up bruised and feeling slightly hung over next to Sirius, he had grown to enjoy their morning sessions. Remus had heard Professor McGonagall chide Sirius many a time for not living up to his real potential in class, and the mornings Remus and Sirius spent together made this especially true – Sirius really had a knack for the many charms and enchantments he placed around the Shrieking Shack to insure their privacy. The night he had been gone certainly wasn't the same at all, and James in particular suffered much more injuries than usual with the absence of the huge, black dog.

They found Sirius the next morning, as they dragged themselves up the dormitory steps, wincing at their many new injuries, waiting guiltily on his bed with several nicked bottles of Butterbeer and many assorted cakes. His "popular" status had ended that day, and Remus didn't think he'd seen Sirius as much as wink at a girl since. His personality had definitely improved – he was much happier to spend time with his friends – but there was a certain change about him; something Remus attributed to guilt, though he'd repeatedly told his friend that all was well.

"Come on, Remus," grinned Sirius, jolting the boy out of his recollections, "you hated it last year with all those girls. You were jealous."

It was an odd thing for him to say, but Remus ignored it, stating simply, "I did not care for attitude you adopted then."

"Don't worry, Remus," said Sirius, taking a sip of his now caramel-colored coffee and smiling once more, "you'll always be my favorite."

Remus knew the burn on his face was matching the one in his throat; and yet he could not help but feel his heart beat faster as he turned away from his friend once more.

**tell me what you like : )**


	4. Chapter 4

**No Better Mistake**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING. : )

**NOTES:**

Thanks for any and all reviews! I tried to respond to what I could. It also sparked me to reiterate a few things, namely, the timing of the story/birthdays. I did mess up on this and just made them whenever I wanted. ALSO, this story, though it doesn't explicitly mention anything modern, is kind of set in a more 21st century timeframe (namely what they look like). Just because I can. I've tried to keep the characters as real as possible (or what I think they are!) put I like to describe how they look. Finally, I guess you could say this is sort of AU because I don't mention Voldemort (but that's just kind of laziness on my part).

ANYWAY THIS IS AN EXCITING CHAPTER. Kind of silly, but based on some (hem) personal experiences... this sort of silliness can and will happen.

all you followers... I'm leaving you hanging here... **so let me know what you think.**

**4**

The next few days were very interesting. Remus found more and more of the old Sirius emerging every day, as they spent long hours with nothing else to do lying in the grass, picking out shapes in the clouds and talking into the night. As close as James and Sirius were, they were, indeed, like brothers – living mostly for the day and accepting each other wordlessly, but Sirius and Remus were able to engage in lengthy, meaningful conversations about whatever came to mind. Remus suspected it was because Sirius, like himself, felt somewhat ostracized from others. As much grief as he gave them, and insisted he didn't care, it had to hurt somewhat to be shunned from what was a very close and traditional family. Sirius' denial by his parents may have been on a smaller scale than Remus' complete denial by the rest of the Magical community, but it had to hurt that much more. After all, Remus mused, he didn't personally _know_ all the people that hated _him._

"So what _do _you want to do in the future?" Sirius asked him one day, turning to look at Remus after nearly a half an hour of the two lying silently under a mid-afternoon sun. He had grass in his long, dark hair, and was shredding a piece between his fingers, his brutally short fingernails growing dark with dirt.

Thoughtfully, Remus shifted his hand from underneath his head to prop himself up slightly, looking at his friend. He could still faintly smell the smoke from the cigarette Sirius had just put out, and he searched Sirius' face briefly before he turned back to the sky, squinting, once more, to the sun. "I think I'd like to be a teacher," he admitted. "I want to work for something that matters… you know? Influencing a kid like that. But, then again," his face clouded, and he spoke, bitterly, "no parent in their right mind would want a werewolf teaching their child, would they?"  
Sirius gave a bark-like laugh. "You never know, Moony," he countered, "five, ten years from now…could be a whole different story. Besides, I know I'd be right in line to take classes from a bloke as smart as yourself."

"What about you?" asked Remus, changing the subject before Sirius embarrassed him further, "what do you see yourself doing in ten years?"

There was a short silence, and Remus heard Sirius rustling around in the grass beside him as he continued to stare ahead. The cloud just above him in the clear, cerulean sky seemed to be forming into a castle turret… but perhaps he just missed Hogwarts.

After another moment, Sirius answered, "Fighting against dark wizards," he cleared his throat, "scum like my family. People who believe in nonsense like blood rights and anti-werewolf laws."

"An Auror?" Remus suggested, "I've heard they make a lot of money as well."

"Ahh, I can just see it now," Sirius sighed, "nice home, the busts of my dead parents on the wall, happily together with…" his voice trailed off, and Remus was suddenly aware that Sirius was looking toward him as he spoke these words, and he turned again to face him. At such a close distance, Remus could see the blue of the sky reflected in Sirius' eyes, casting them almost indigo.

"Your wife?" he suggested, forcing a chuckle. "Or maybe you're not the marrying type…." The look in his friend's eyes was so intense that he suddenly found it hard to finish the sentence; as if he were somehow saying the wrong thing.

"Right," said Sirius, still not turning away. His hands had stopped peeling the grass away, and one lay on the ground, only inches away from Remus'. His skin, tanned as Remus was still pale, was slightly sticky from sweat, and for some reason, Remus felt his own head grow clammy from his own perspiration… was that nervousness?

Sirius suddenly made a hand movement as it to reach over, but before he could touch the other boy, Remus found himself jerking his hand upward, pointing, suddenly, to Sirius' hair. "You've got, uh, grass," he croaked, gesturing, but not touching, the hair spread about the ground, "just… just there."

Sirius moved his palm up to touch his head, but did nothing. "Right," he said softly, finally breaking his gaze away from Remus and reaching into his pocket for another cigarette, the small, lit end somehow accentuating the silence that stretched between them once again.

_**time change here why won't it let me just leave a space...?**_

The small, flickering flames sputtered, and finally died, as Remus gave a final puff on the seventeen wax candles before him. His parents clapped enthusiastically – they too, were undergoing changes the longer Sirius was with them (which had been a little more than just "a few days"). In fact, Remus thought to himself, as his mother picked up the scarlet and gold cake before him for cutting, he hadn't seen them this relaxed and happy in quite a while. Perhaps it was the extra hand Sirius continuously offered with the dinner dishes, or perhaps it was the very low-injury transformation Remus had endured the night before, but, either way, they were certainly in a very good mood. Mrs. Lupin hummed as she placed cake before them, and Remus' father grinned, clapping a hand on his shoulder as he handed him a small box that, Remus knew, must be the traditional watch of a now seventeen-year-old. After thanking both his parents for the gleaming, gold watch, he laughed at Sirius as he unwrapped his gift; a glossy, hard-to-find book he had mentioned wanting to read last year, and a decadent box of chocolate.

"So you knew we'd let you stay more than a few days!" he laughed, weighing the book in his hands. "Thank you, Sirius."

Sirius winked, popping the last forkful of second helping of cake into his mouth, "this is superb, Mrs. Lupin," he complimented, awarding her a charming grin, and she blushed, patting Sirius on the head. "And I do thank you for letting me stay well over my time."

"It's nothing," she said with a wave of her hand, "any friend of Remus' – and especially one as kind as you about his transformation – " her face briefly darkened, but brightened again almost instantly, "well, you're welcome to stay anytime."

Sirius beamed as he stood up to take the plates, but Mr. Lupin stopped him almost immediately. "Let me—"

Remus interrupted them both, twirling his wand between his fingers, "no, let _me_," he corrected, grinning. "Go on to bed, Mom and Dad. You've got work tomorrow."

After many thanks for the lovely gifts and cake, Remus' parents did go off to bed, and it was, indeed, with one swish of his wand that Remus cleared the dessert dishes, leaving them as clean as when they started. Sirius looked on, impressed. Only a few bruises and nicks from their full moon adventures marred the skin of Sirius' forearms; visible from underneath his rolled-up sleeves, and as he stood, leaning against the kitchen counter. He also had only one small cut that shone on his neck, graciously too shallow to leave a scar. Without thinking, Remus reached up to touch his main wound from the night before – a thin, but deep scar that ran from his ear to cheek. Dittany could be used on many of the bruises and scrapes the two endured from running around in the woods, but it didn't completely eliminate a bite or cut inflicted by a werewolf. Their supplies were particularly low that month as well– the transformation before Sirius' arrival had been particularly rough in contrast to the latest one. Remus touched the quickly forming scar gingerly, and Sirius, who was watching him from across the kitchen, was grinning. "What is it?" asked Remus, dropping his fingers from his jaw.

Sirius rubbed his hands eagerly together, glancing toward the door down the hall as if to make sure Remus' parents were truly in their room for the night. He gestured upstairs with a nod of his head. "Now for your _real_ birthday present, Mr. Moony." He bounded up the stairs toward Remus' bedroom, leaving the other to trail after him, somewhat apprehensively. He didn't know what Sirius had in mind, and he had already done more than enough…

When he approached the open door to his bedroom, he found Sirius already inside, riffling through the bag he had brought with him the first day. Remus paused for a moment in the doorway. Initially, when Sirius had arrived, he was nervous about the state of his home and bedroom – after all, Sirius had come from wealth and now, lived with James in wealth – but Sirius had plunked down his bag, pronounced it "marvelous" and immediately flopped down the cot that had been set up for him. The bedroom was in the converted attic of the small home, and the main features of the room were numerous heavy, wooden bookcases stuffed with volumes and several large windows overlooking the fields below them. Like most things Remus owned, the room was somewhat shabby, but neat, and the slightly peeling wallpaper was mostly hidden by a large Gryffindor banner that hung beside his bed. At the moment, the room was dimly lit by a few lamps, and the moonlight poured in through the open windows like water out of a glass.

Sirius straightened up, one hand clasped over something behind his back, and with the other, he beckoned Remus in. Cautiously, he obeyed, shutting the door behind him and scooting past his friend to sit on his bed, looking nervous. With a flourish, Sirius drew a large, unopened bottle from behind his back. "Ta dah!" He grinned, brandishing the clear bottle of liquor before Remus. "A proper coming-of-age present."

"Padfoot – " Remus began, but his beginnings of protests fell upon deaf ears. Sirius was already pushing a glass into his hands, shifting over Remus' pillows so he could join him on the bed.

"You have no idea how hard it was to not drink this mate, " he said eagerly, now pouring himself a generous cupful. "Come on, now, I won't say no. Drink up."

Hesitantly, Remus raised the cup to his lips. He hadn't drunk much before, never caring for the taste, and certainly he'd never had anything as strong. Always he was resigned to take care of the frequently sick Peter, who seemed unable to drink anything without vomiting—but he supposed it would be in poor taste not to partake, especially when Sirius seemed to have gone to great lengths to keep his "birthday present" a surprise. Therefore, with determination, he swallowed half the cup in one large gulp, sputtering, and then, feeling Sirius's hand on the back of his head; he downed the entire cup almost instantaneously.

"That's it," he said happily as Remus, face puckered, choked a spell toward his empty cup, filling it with water and gulping that as well. His throat was burning, but Sirius seemed unaffected; he settled himself more comfortably amidst Remus' pillows, patting the quilt in front of him and inviting Remus to draw beside him. As Remus scooted against the wall before him, he poured Remus another very full glass, then capped the bottle and sighed contentedly.

"You drink a lot?" said Remus after a time, and without meaning to, looking at his friend over the rim of his glass and taking another, fiery swallow. Sirius, who had closed his eyes, opened them again to look at his friend, who blushed. Even without liquor, Sirius seemed to make Remus unable to keep his thoughts to himself, which was something he was normally quite good at it. However, Sirius wasn't offended. He laughed, instead, and inched closer to Remus, his leg brushing against Remus', as if telling him a secret.

"Drank a lot last year," he admitted, and Remus put back the rest of his glass, now feeling a little dizzy as he set the again empty cup on the bedside table. "Drank a lot; dated too much…" he sighed again.

Remus was suddenly very warm, and he began unbuttoning his collared shirt without thought, throwing it to the ground so he sat only in his white tee. He looked again at his friend, who was spinning his finger around the rim of his cup, and asked the question that had been smoldering in his mind since last year: "but _why, _Padfoot? What was wrong with you?"

Sirius looked at him curiously. "You ever wanted to escape from something, Remus?"

"Of course," Remus replied, looking perplexedly at him, "I mean, yes, you know that."

"Right," Sirius continued, "Well… I was just… confused about some things, that's all. Trying to figure out what it is that I wanted."

Remus now reached for the bottle that sat on the bed, foregoing a cup and gulping from that, wanting to escape further from the uncomfortable feeling he was getting. As he set it down, Sirius asked sharply, "you alright, Moony?"

"Fine," said Remus, very conscious of his voice, and how close Sirius was to him.

"You haven't drank much before, have you?" asked Sirius, suddenly worried, leaning forward, but Remus shook off the question.

"No, no, of course I have," he told him, making sure his voice was steady, "I'm not getting _drunk,_ Padfoot, you ought to know better than that."

Remus' matter-of-fact tone seemed to reassure the other, who sank back on the cushions again, pulling off the socks he was wearing and throwing them to the ground. Watching his friend wriggle his toes, Remus felt the other question fall from his lips before he could draw it back again, and he asked, "what did you… when did you find out what you wanted?"

There was a very long pause this time, during which Remus seemed unable to draw his eyes from the elder boy's face. It was a such a long time that Remus eventually broke away, getting carefully to his feet and crossing the room to an old radio, twiddling the dials until he reached a favorite classical station. Careful to walk back without stumbling, he sat down again on the bed, finding himself, once again, drawn to Sirius' face. After staring down at his hands for a pregnant pause, Sirius finally answered, gazing up again at his friend with such a piercing stare that Remus felt as if he should draw back.

"I did, Moony. It took me awhile, but I did," now, he laughed, smiling kindly at the boy. His long hair was falling into his eyes, and he brushed it impatiently out of the way with the back of his hand. "Took me really messing up that full moon, but I did figure out what it was that I wanted."

Suddenly, as if a light had just been shone down upon them, Remus realized his hand was resting on Sirius' denim-clad knee. The alcohol was really taking effect now – Remus felt his hand, as if guided by someone else, slide along Sirius' leg until it found the fingers of the others hand. Gently, he brushed against the knuckles with his fingertips, feeling Sirius turn his palm over, curling up his fingers to lace against Remus'. _He's drunk_, Remus thought, his brain cloudy, as he found his hand in Sirius' warm, rough palm, _to be doing this…_

"You figured it out," Remus said, more calm than he felt, Sirius' face somewhat blurry before him, as he scooted in closer, feeling the need to say this quieter, and more secretive. "It was all okay, you know. I wasn't mad. You found out that we… we were best friends."

"Best friends," Sirius agreed, now reaching out with his other hand to grasp Remus' shoulder, who still sat dangerously close to Sirius, resolutely trying not to sway, not to show his older, more experienced friend how far gone he was… he felt his other hand, with a mind of its own, on Sirius' leg once more…

Sirius was still smiling at him. His gray shirt, wrinkled from a days wear was the perfect contrast to his evenly tanned skin, unbuttoned just enough so that Remus could see the dark hair that grew on his chest. Unlike Remus, he wore nothing underneath. As usual, the lower half of Sirius' face was covered with a day's worth of stubble; still short; crossing over his chin and above the full lips that curled into an easy, friendly smile. Sirius did not feel this anxiety, thought Remus, feeling his heart beat throughout his entire body, echoing against his rib cage. He felt himself shake, but seemed to be unable to stop what he was doing…

"_Just _friends," he murmured thickly, drawing his face closer to Sirius and feeling his lips firmly, and finally, meet with the others.

**ooooooooh.**


	5. Chapter 5

**No Better Mistake**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING. : )

**NOTES:**

I'm so bad, aren't I? Sorry I kept you guys waiting so long! That last chapter definitely sparked a lot more alerts/favorites and **I so appreciate it. **I've been busy (this is my first year in college), but I'm trying to get better about responding to reviews/reading other stories, so please forgive me.

ANYWAY HERE WE GO:

**ONE MORE THING:** This doesn't go more than PG-13, but I would still warn against somewhat mature (and homosexual) content.

**5**

Even in his intoxicated state, Remus had expected Sirius to pull back like an electric shock from the kiss Remus had drawn him into. He was then struck into numbness as Sirius responded in quite the opposite way. His thoughts seemed to sever all connection with his feelings as he felt Sirius' mouth open and encase his bottom lip, and he realized that Sirius had moved forward into the kiss as well. Too scared to back away and open his eyes to face what had just happened, Remus felt himself melt deeper, and deeper, into the embrace. The kiss had no time to be timid. Both were eagerly responding, hard, and full of such suppressed, unexpressed longing that Remus felt a bit lightheaded. It was like being in a dream—he seemed to have no control, his actions already turning into memory, and yet they were slipping away so fast from him, like they weren't real at all…

The soft strings of violin issuing from the radio were the only sounds that met Remus' now entirely fuzzy brain—out of the corner of his lowered eyes, he saw Sirius hurriedly push his cup onto the table—and suddenly, shocking to Remus, he felt both of Sirius' hands on the sides of his face, holding him there. He realized his hands were back on Sirius' legs, then creeping up his thighs until they were flat on his stomach, right at the bottom hem of his shirt, just low enough that he could feel skin. He could feel the heat of the other boy's stomach against his open palms as his best friend slide one hand back into his hair, gripping it, and letting the other one drop, sliding his tongue, warm, into his open mouth.

Pulling him closer still, Remus felt Sirius' mouth leave his own, but still, his eyes squeezed shut, and within a fraction of a second his friend's mouth had found a new location – planting hot kisses down the side of Remus' cheek. He paused where the neck met jaw line, and there, he mouthed eagerly, so intensely that Remus heard a soft moan issue forth from his own mouth. Sirius was pushing him back onto the quilt, and Remus felt Sirius' knees bump against his hips; he was now on top of him. His hands were still on Sirius' shirt hem, who was breathing heavily, and he found himself pulling open the buttons as Sirius' mouth traveled further down his neck. He felt the now freed skin of Sirius' chest; his firm, flat stomach and the soft hair around his navel and chest.

Sirius' own motions were becoming more and more aggressive. He had moved down to his friend's collarbone, kissing, biting—but Remus felt a chill run up his spine and he groaned, but not in pain. For the first time, he opened his eyes, seeing the top of Sirius' now tousled hair, which draped down, tickling his chest. He wanted to move it aside, touch it, gather it up in his fists. His fingers were gripping the boy's side, the other hand on the back of Sirius' thigh, who crouched overtop of him like an animal, shirt open, hands sliding up underneath Remus' t-shirt. Remus felt dizzy, but whether or not it was from pleasure, he could not tell. Something inside of him was calling as Sirius' mouth moved farther and farther down his torso; he had pushed up the shirt Remus was wearing, past his bellybutton… He was very aware of Sirius' warm flesh under his nails, the breath, hot, on his stomach, his own breathing, becoming labored…

"Wait," he muttered, shaking his head.

This was wrong… this was all wrong… He was spinning; he was floating…

Sirius looked at him, suddenly concerned, the smile dying from his lips, "Remus…" he was out of breath. His lips were redder; fuller. His cheeks were flushed pink.

_All wrong, all wrong, all wrong_... the voice inside his head was screaming at him; he pushed himself off the bed, struggling to stand—

And then, suddenly, without warning, he felt his stomach give a terrible lurch.

He grabbed the waste bin near his bed just in time, spilling what felt like his entire digestive track. Acid-like, the alcohol poured back out of his stomach, stinging his throat and nose as he retched, unable to control himself and stop his body from regurgitating. He felt Sirius' hand again now, but this time, it was gentle. He rubbed the small of Remus' back, using his other hand to push back the hair that was beginning to fall down around Remus' face. Eyes streaming, Remus could not see him. He brain was spinning, from the alcohol and from what had just happened. He wanted Sirius' comfortable, skilled hands, and yet he did not want Sirius to touch him; ashamed of what he had done; horrified at the realization that Sirius would now know his one, final secret. He heaved again, hating the pain, but knowing he deserved it, and felt Sirius leave his side as he gasped between the seemingly never-ending waves of nausea.

Then he was back again – a clean, cup of water and a damp cloth – he handed the glass to Remus, murmuring, "here, Moony, drink this, come on." They were on their knees, both on the hardwood floor, and Remus straightened up slightly from his bent-over position. Unable to keep his eyes open much more than little slits, Sirius carefully cleaned off his face, pushing, once more against the glass that Remus held limply. "_Drink," _he repeated firmly, clearing the filthy bin with a wave of his wand.

Remus took a sip, hesitating to see if it would come back up, and when it didn't, he took another, long drink. His head was pounding, and he was scared of throwing up again, especially as Sirius now sat before him, looking very concerned indeed. He tried to smile weakly at him, but thinking again of what they had just done, began to feel ill again.

"Come on," said Sirius quietly, helping Remus to his feet and back into his bed. He dragged the bin beside him, Remus flopping down onto his side a hand over his eyes, feeling horrible. This was not the worst pain he'd been in, but, in a way it did remind him of his monthly transformations. Losing control; unable to know what his body would do next… His head and brain didn't even feel like his own as he lay, trying to focus on his in-and-out breathing to tell himself to keep everything else in his body down. Even through his closed eyelids, he saw the light click off in the room, and felt the bed creak and Sirius sat down beside him again.

The classical music was still echoing from the old radio in the corner. Sirius' fingers were drawing small circles on the small of Remus' back, telling him quietly that the garbage bin was right beside him, urging Remus to tell if he still felt sick. Shaking his head no, Remus wanted nothing more than to release into the thoughtless oblivion of sleep. He wanted to pretend like none of this had ever happened; that tomorrow, when he woke up, things would be just like they always used to be…

The screaming voice in his head seemed to have drifted down to a mere breath, and yet Remus could still hear it. As the soft music grew quieter and Remus drifted off to sleep, and Sirius, with his shirt still undone, lay beside him, rubbing his back… he heard it whisper to him. As he slipped off into forgetfulness, trying to ignore the now throbbing feeling in his heart, he was grasped with the horrible, sinking thought that now, things were going to change entirely.

_**time change here why won't it let me just leave a space...?**_

When he awoke the next morning, it took Remus a second to register where he was. Startled, he looked around for Sirius, who slept in the cot across the room, visible to Remus as soon as he opened his eyes. However, this morning, the cot lay empty, the sheets neatly piled on top of it. For a split second, he wondered where Sirius was, but then he heard the breathing, and Remus realized with a jolt that both Sirius and himself had fallen asleep on his own bed; Sirius' hand still draped across Remus' side.

Gently, as to not awake his friend, Remus edged himself out of the bed and walked, quickly and quietly, into the bathroom down the hall. Shutting the door behind him, he turned on the shower, pulling off the jeans he still wore from last night and his white t-shirt off his clammy, slightly shaking body. As he stepped into the shower, and as the hot water beat down on his face he tried to clear his head and remember _exactly_ what had happened the night before. It was like holding in his hands the water that now slipped down the side of the ceramic tub; elusive, and ever-changing; it was like trying to remember a friend he had when he was very little, but had mostly forgotten. Putting a hand on his chest, he felt his little finger press into his collarbone, and the slight soreness there sparked a brief moment of confusion. He spun around in the shower stall, gazing now into the small, cracked mirror that hung there. As he once again fingered the small, reddish-purple bruise on his collarbone, scattered images came back to him – leaning forward, kissing Sirius… his own shirt, pushed up his torso… Sirius' breath, hot, on his neck…

He leaned his forehead against the cold tile of the shower stall and thought, breathing hard. He had known for a long time that he would, one day, mess up. Eventually, he would slip up somehow, and Sirius would have found out his secret—but never, _never_ had he imagined it in this magnitude. Hadn't he tried, all last year, and all of this summer, to keep it all to a minimum? Hadn't he drawn away every time Sirius got too close, for fear of what he might do at the feeling of the skin on his? Hadn't he avoided all talk of Sirius' relationships; hadn't he always changed the subject? All those long, sweating hours he spent lying awake, full of an ache he could not stifle, all of his wistful, sneaked glances—hadn't he done a good enough job of hiding them all?

But then… Sirius had to come visit him this summer. Remus hit the tile wall in his frustration, upsetting the bottle of shampoo in his frustration. Coming by on that motorbike, wantingto be alone, to talk, reaching out for Remus to touch him, _tempting_ him…

Remus grabbed the fallen bottle of shampoo and squeezed a large amount in his palm, rubbing the soap over his head until it made a thick, foamy layer. How could he have been so _stupid_? It was impossible that all of those grins Sirius had flashed him would have lead to this. Passing him a record and having his fingers linger just a second too long… letting his leg brush against Remus' under the kitchen table, sending an electric shock… Remus pretended not to let himself believe all those things were signs, but now, he realized, bitterly, letting the suds rinse from his hair, he had just been naïve. Remus didn't have many friends at Hogwarts, and he was sure, now, that he had lost one of his only ones.

_But you were drunk, _whispered the voice in his ear, _and so was he… _

Remus contemplated this as he grabbed his bar of soap. It was true that both of the boys had been intoxicated. Was this behavior excusable by vodka? Perhaps—Remus felt the weight in his chest lightened, ever so slightly—perhaps, if he didn't say anything, perhaps Sirius wouldn't remember it all…

He turned off the faucet, and the last drops of water dripped slowly out of the showerhead. His face was set—_I won't say anything, _he told himself, _don't bring it up, just pretend like it never happened…_

Wrapping a towel around his waist, he realized that he would now have to make the near-nude walk back to his room, where Sirius still lay. He was resolved to make this as normal as possible. After all, Sirius had seen him fresh from the shower plenty of times… he _wouldn't_ make this awkward; act normal…

He knew Sirius would be awake by now, and he pushed back open the door to his bedroom to find Sirius lying on his back. He had moved to his cot, but hadn't buttoned up his shirt, which hung open, exposing his bare chest. Sirius smiled slightly and sat up a little when Remus entered the room. Remus had to forcefully stop the shudder that went up his spine when he saw his own, light nail marks on Sirius' sides

"Hey," said Remus, determined to act casual. He strode over to his dresser, throwing clothes out onto his rumpled bed. He was very cognizant of the bruise, courtesy of Sirius' mouth, along his collarbone, but he had no way to cover it up without being awkward. Sirius was still smiling, at him, and Remus attempted to smile back, but it must have looked strange, because his expression changed from understanding to confusion.

"Remus… about last night," Sirius began.

"Crazy, right?" said Remus, unable to stop himself from blurting out a response. Sirius' mouth opened and closed, but he pressed onward, not wanting to hear what Sirius had to say. "I mean, I don't…" the words dying on his tongue, he looked at Sirius, who had risen, now standing next to him, and who was looking even more perplexed. "I mean… we wouldn't do that… you know… again. We weren't… in a right state."

"Right," said Sirius, a very curious expression flitting across his face,

"I mean to say," Remus hurried on, avoiding Sirius' eyes as he looked for a particular pair of jeans, "we had an awful lot to drink. That's all."

"Oh," said Sirius, stepping slightly away from him and turning his gaze back to the cot, "of course," he agreed.

"I hardly remember… anything," said Remus, lying lamely, finally shutting the dresser drawers.

"Me neither," said Sirius, "I was way too wasted."

Sirius and Remus looked at each other for another short moment. It was almost midday, and the sun was streaming in through the large, unblocked windows of the attic bathroom, illuminating the clear glass bottle that still sat on Remus' bedside table, and bouncing off the shiny black of Sirius' motorcycle helmet.

"I'm gonna go," said Sirius abruptly, "Go…wash these out." He gestured toward the glasses, picking them up in both hands.

"Right," said Remus, watching Sirius retreat down the hall to the bathroom, carrying his single cup, still generously full of vodka from the only drink Sirius had poured for himself the night before.

**D: So sad!**

**Review it if you like it.**

**or if you hate it.**

**or whatever! Love you guys!**


	6. Chapter 6

**No Better Mistake**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING. : )

**NOTES:**

**I can't thank you guys enough** for all the reviews, alerts, and favorites. I'm glad people are sticking with this story, even though it doesn't get into their relationship super super fast. I promise it will be worth the wait! Also I'm excited everyone caught that last line of the last chapter - my friends didn't at first.

**Keep reviewing and tell me what you like or questions. I'm happy to answer them.**

Also, this chapter is kind of sad. : (

**6**

By the time Sirius emerged from the shower himself, Remus was fully dressed, sitting on his bed in a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt. He was pretending to read the book Sirius had given him, but really, he was straining his ears for the return footsteps in the hall. He was surprised to see the other boy walking down the hall, carrying his toothbrush and razor from the bathroom. He was clean-shaven, hair, waving slightly with its very long length still slightly damp. He was also wearing his leather jacket, which Remus assumed he had retrieved from the downstairs hall closet.

"Are you… going somewhere?" Remus asked faintly as Sirius re-entered the room, stooping down to pick his bag up off the floor. Sirius placed his things inside of it, not looking at Remus. He found his near-destroyed shoes behind the bedroom door, and he pulled them on, and he answered without turning his head.

"Got a owl from James this morning," he gestured toward his cot again, and Remus saw a note there he hadn't noticed before, "while you were… in the shower." Sirius stood up, stuffing his hands into his jeans pockets and finally looking up. The pair was Sirius' oldest, and favorite—a dark denim with a rather large hole in one of the knees and a large ink stain where the pocket ended… _The two of them, sitting in the library, pressed close together, laughing so hard they broke the bottle in his pocket, couldn't use the library for a week… falling over into each other as they left; eyes shining— _"Told me he reckons his parents are missing their second son, and he wants me to come today, so we can spend time with them before September first."

"Oh," said Remus awkwardly, "right."

"Give you some time to finish that homework I know I've been distracting you from," said Sirius, with none of the vigor that Remus had seen over the past days. He grinned, but it was half-hearted, and rather strained. "I'll see you next week?"

Remus nodded, moving to get up and off his bed, but Sirius help out a hand to stop him. "No worries," he said, still smiling, "I know the way out," he moved toward the door, "tell your mom and dad thanks for me, will you?"

And without a backward glance, Sirius was gone. Remus could hear him walk down the empty house steps, and within a few minutes Sirius' motorcycle roared to life outside of the large, attic windows. In the slight wind, the grassy fields below seemed to ripple and wave; yellow-gold as sand. Remus rose, and stood by the glass, book in hand, and watched the bike fade, as he had seen it come; to a tiny black dot in the clear, cloudless sky.

Remus hurled the novel in his hands across the room. It crashed against the wall with a bang, sliding down. Fuming, he began to pace around the room. He didn't know what to think. He was angry with himself for letting such a thing happen; he felt tricked, and guilty for believing in what wasn't true. And worst of all, he was scared—scared he had damaged his relationship with his best friend beyond repair, all for a stupid, insane reason…

Remus' eyes fell on the book again, which had fallen open on the ground to its back cover. Shaking, he lifted it up, bringing it closer to his face to read the untidily scrawled message Sirius had left him.

_Moony,_

_Hope your birthday is fantastic. _

_You deserve all the best… _

_You're the greatest friend I've ever known, _

_and I would hate to ever lose you._

_Padfoot_

Remus let the book drop back to the ground as he stood, eyes burning, to walk out of the room.

**(time CHANGE IGNORE THIS STUPID LINE BECAUSE I'M TOO DUMB FOR LINE BREAKS)  
**

Sirius let the bike's roar fade away as he sat, just miles away from the home he'd just left, concealed by the thick trees of the forest. His vision had become so blurred, and his driving had become so careless that he was struggling to fly straight as he forced himself to keep his feelings in check. Now that he was alone, however, and back on the ground, he was unable to stop himself; and he felt himself succumb to hot, angry emotion. Wrenching off his helmet and burying his face in his hands, Sirius sobbed.

Sirius was not ashamed of the person he was anymore. A year ago, he had just begun the thought process that would eventually lead him to where he was now, and all those months ago he _had _been humiliated, even disgusted at what he was questioning within himself. He had lied to Remus. After a full year's worth of reckless behavior, late nights, and many quiet hours, he had not figured out what he wanted.

Being with Remus John Lupin was what Sirius needed more than anything else.

Coming to terms with his sexuality was not as difficult as it could have been for Sirius. Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual – really, it was all the same to Sirius. He had not doubted himself for a moment in his young life, and when he first realized that his need for Remus put him into a new category that was certainly not heterosexual, it was not the label that bothered him. What bothered him was the person that had made him change his way of defining himself. Never had he intended to fall in love with Remus, although he was quite sure that Remus was a homosexual, even if he wasn't ready to admit it. He'd seen him, all through their years at Hogwarts – never interested in girls, even when the light cast by James and Sirius had boost him into popularity; never wanting to date or even speak about women. Sirius had found it sweet the way he used to stare a little too long at the burly Ravenclaw chaser in their Charms class, or the way he'd turn scarlet every time James mentioned something about an openly effeminate sixth-year. Although Remus remained determinedly silent about what Sirius had already figured out, Sirius had figured it would come out in time, the same way James had weaseled him in to revealing that he was a werewolf. What Sirius _didn't_ expect, however, were the new feelings that arose in himself, shortly after Snape's glimpse of Remus in the Shrieking Shack, and after Sirius had moved in with James and his parents. A new feeling began to shoot through Sirius as he watched a smiling, masculine Hufflepuff fifth-year hand Remus his notes – and it only took a little while for Sirius to realize that he was jealous.

And so, Sirius had begun his strenuous efforts to cure himself of a problem he was positive could not truly exist. There was no way that he could be interested in Remus, the boy he had shared six years of school, dormitories, and day-to-day life with. It was one thing to want to date men – Sirius would have accepted that wholeheartedly – but to want to be with Remus was unthinkable. It simply could not happen. Sirius went on countless dates, trying to shake his growing infatuation, but after he missed Remus' transformation in the spring of that year, he could no longer deny what he'd been trying so hard to dismiss.

This was Sirius' one, and only secret from his best friend and adoptive brother, James. He knew James would not care one way or another who Sirius chose to like, or even love, but he also knew James would laugh - or spit - in his face if Sirius told him that the one he knew he was meant for was their very best friend. Sirius knew it was no hope trying to seduce, or convince Remus in any way, but when James left with Lily for those few days, he found it impossible not to gravitate toward Remus. After a year of distancing himself, punishing himself for the mere thought of it, he could no longer resist – he let himself answer the questions Remus asked truthfully, he even dared to flirt with the werewolf… but now, of course, it had all been for nothing.

Sirius' tears had slowed now, and he sat, still on his bike, lost in thought. He had always been the emotional one of the pair – Remus, forever hiding his feelings, behind a book or his schoolwork, but Sirius was always one to let everyone know just how he felt. He'd come crashing in the common room after failing an exam, raving, or laugh, loudly and clearly in the hallway when something stuck him, as if often did, as hilarious. Keeping this secret was unbearable. The guilt crashed through him like a pelting hailstorm, raining down and ruining his every thought. He had not meant to take advantage of his friend the way he now felt he had. It was true that he had thought, perhaps, the liquor might finally give him the courage to confess his secret to Remus, but never had he imagined he found find himself, caught up in a tangle of limbs, lip-to-lip with the younger boy. _And even now_, thought Sirius bitterly, punching the handlebars, _he would never believe it was real. He thinks it was all a drunken mistake…_

There was nothing left to it. Sirius straightened up from his hunched over position on his motorbike. Lifting up his t-shirt, he dried his eyes off, using the back of his hand to wipe the hair off of his now sweaty forehead. Sirius had spent too many years, invested too much time, and learned to care too much to let the horrible slip-up of the night before cause him to lose Remus. As he kicked the bike back into life, he jammed his helmet back onto his head; face set, and his mind made up.

**Oh, Sirius. It's hard when the people you love don't love you back. Poor thing...**

**REVOWSSS?**


	7. Chapter 7

**No Better Mistake**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING. : )

**NOTES:**

- Quick update this time. Thank **buggie21** if you're excited by that! Or leave me a review and tell me!

- This chapter took me forever to write because it's transitional. And please try to ignore the ever-present cheesiness when an author introduces an OC. I'm trying not to be tacky!

- You know how there are some parents (James' are old, too, remember) or grandparents that you always have to dress up to see (like mine)? Remember that.

**7**

Remus waved a goodbye to his mother and father as they smiled at him, melting back into the platform to return to Muggle London. He was ready to start his seventh and final year at Hogwarts, although he was not nearly as eager to begin as he had been a few weeks prior. Despite the upcoming classes he would face, he could only think of seeing Sirius again.

Remus had spent the last week of his vacation finishing up on his summer homework and trying not to think about anything too much. James had sent him an owl to tell him Sirius had arrived home safely, but other than that, Remus hadn't communicated with his friends at all. He was excited to see Peter and James (the latter of whom was now Head Boy), and he felt an odd mix of excitement and anxiety toward seeing Sirius.

And to speak of the devil – Sirius Black and James Potter were striding toward Remus, each dragging their trunks, and for James, a large barn owl. Remus felt his face break into an instant grin. The expression had been unused for long that it nearly hurt, and yet he couldn't break the smile that spread from ear to ear. Both boys were dressed almost formally – Remus knew this was a result of James' parents – and they looked cleaner than Remus had seen them for some time. They were the picture of proper English young men, if you ignored Sirius' stubble and James' somewhat crooked glasses. The three embraced, clapping each other on the back and whooping loudly, causing several people walking by to stare. James really hadn't grown tall until the last school year, but even now he stood only a bit higher than Remus, still several inches shorter than his best friend. His dark hair was cut shorter than Sirius', and although it was a similar color, it had none of Sirius' smooth, slight waves, with a constant look of unkemptness, even without James' annoying habit of rumpling it up further. His bright, hazel eyes shone behind his rectangular glasses, and the golden _Head Boy_ badge pinned to his sports jacket glittered in the light and steam from the Hogwarts Express. Sirius, too, was wearing a jacket, and although both had jeans on as well, Remus did feel distinctly shabby in his old corduroys. Seeing them so clean-cut and prim, Remus felt a wave of affection for both of them as James reached out a hand to grasp his shoulder.

"Remus!" he exclaimed, "I'm Head Boy! Can you believe it?"

"Not quite," he replied, still grinning, "Let me be the first to say that I'm shocked. After all the stunts you pulled…"

"Ahh," said James, waggling a finger until Remus' nose, "but all has been forgiven. McGonagall put a personal little message in their just for me."

"_You have completely lost your touch this year, Mr. Potter," _mocked Sirius, grabbing a fistful of hair and trying to pile it on top of his head in an imitation of the professor's bun, looking down at the other two from his mock spectacles. _"We are pleased to inform you that you have been forced into becoming the most snotty wanker in the school…"_

"Hey!" James gave Sirius a punch to the arm, then turned to confide again in Remus. "I _may_ have promised her Gryffindor would get the Quidditch cup," he confessed, smirking, "again. But still! Being Head Boy is pretty serious…"

"No, _I'm_—" Sirius began, bobbing up on his heels, but Remus cut him off.

"Let's head into the train, shall we?" he suggested brightly. He didn't think he could bear to hear Sirius make his joke one more time, so the three grabbed their luggage and hauled it onto the scarlet engine. They even found Peter halfway down the corridor of compartments, red-faced, trying to drag his trunk, and the four of them dragged their trunks and owls into the compartment with Lily Evans and her very pretty friend (Remus recognized her as a Ravenclaw in their year) sat waiting for them.

"Remus!" she exclaimed as he entered, jumping out of her seat so quickly that her tabby cat was forced to relocate from her lap. She sounded so much like James that Remus laughed, hugging her. Remus had always been the favorite of the Marauders to Lily (after all, they were prefects together), but even he had to admit that her eventual acceptance of James' affections had done her a world of good. The redhead beamed at him as they drew apart. "Oh, you look wonderful! And did you hear? I'm Head Girl!"

"I heard," he responded, smiling back at her. Her shining badge was proudly pinned to the front of her hooded sweatshirt. "James—"

"—Only told us about a hundred times," Sirius interrupted, leaning casually against the doorframe. "And frankly, I wouldn't be too excited, Lily. I think the title of '_head _girl' is a bit suggestive myself, but then again…"

Lily swatted at him as she pushed the door close behind him, but it was a much more affectionate swipe than a few years prior. Sirius even pulled her into a tight embrace as she tried to make her way back to her seat, leaving her giggling and attempting to unsuccessfully slap every part of him she could reach.

In no time at all, Lily and James had pulled on their Hogwarts robes and took off to meet with the fifth- and sixth-year prefects, Lily's Ravenclaw friend had wandered off, and Peter had followed her, feebly muttering something about asking her for help on some last-minute homework, leaning Remus and Sirius alone once again. However, the re-entrance into familiar territory, and the reunion with their other friends seemed to have done something to minimize their dreaded awkwardness, and both of them smiled sheepishly at each other from across the sides of the compartment.

"Have you been enjoying the book?" Sirius asked, moving to stretch his legs so that his feet were resting across the compartment, next to Remus. Remus smiled to himself – Sirius had looked so formal from far away, but he was still wearing his old Chuck Taylors, **(this is the one and only time I specifically mention a brand of clothing - I just wanted everyone to get the mental picture I have. Sorry; it's tacky!) **and he had already unbuttoned several of the more confining buttons on his slightly rumpled, white shirt. Sirius hated dressing up. Several black (dog) hairs even clung to the white material. Somehow this indication of casualness put Remus at ease, and he responded to Sirius' question by picking up the canvas bag beside him and pulling out the novel in question.

"It's great," he flipped through the pages, "I can't believe you found it. I wish my dad carried stuff like this in his shop… but all he gets are the kind of stuff Professor Binns reads."

Sirius chuckled. "Oh, but Remus, I thought you enjoyed History of Magic?"

"I do!" Remus said hurriedly, "it's very informative!" he stopped, catching the look on his friend's face. Sirius was only teasing him. "So, who do you reckon Dumbledore got for Defense this year?"

Sirius waved his hand, scoffing. "Who cares? Some old nutter who won't last past this year, right? Besides," he grinned wickedly, "We hardly need instruction, do we?"

Remus laughed. His friends always had a way of making him feel like his condition was nothing out of the ordinary, despite the fact that most wizards and witches regarded werewolves as positively terrifying, as well as dangerous. This attitude was what he was most thankful for, even more so than Sirius', James', and Peter's illegal Animagus skills. As much as he hated to admit it, he was quite looking forward to their monthly adventures on the grounds of Hogwarts, despite how guilty he felt about lying to the headmaster.

"Fancy a game of chess?" asked Sirius, breaking Remus' train of thought. He agreed, and Sirius moved to the bench beside of him, setting the board and pieces between the two. The train was now moving rapidly through the countryside – Remus could just see it out of the corner of his eye – and it was a crisp, fall day. He could hear the muted sounds of others outside in the corridor greeting each other and laughing, and the faint jingle of the trolley full of sweets. Remus had just barely beat Sirius at their first game (it seemed that Sirius had been practicing, because he was much better than the year before) when he realized something odd. Despite how close they were sitting, and the frequent comments and gestures made by both, Sirius seemed somehow resolute not to touch him. After moving his knight across the board, Remus had, jokingly, reached down to push it back, and Sirius' hand had shot away as if burned. Sirius determinedly kept to his side of the board, but he grinned and laughed the whole time. He wasn't behaving awkwardly or strangely in any way other than this, so Remus figured it must be his imagination, and the two carried on with several more games before James and Lily came back into their compartment.

"Hello, you two," said Lily smiling as she slid the door shut behind her. She was, as James frequently reminded them, very pretty – and even prettier for the fact that she had finally stopped pretending that she hated them. She had even confessed, the year prior, to Remus in the common room that she had found many of James' and Sirius' pranks funny—particularly the time they'd turned Potions class into a large corn field in their fourth year—and although she didn't exactly approve of their past shenanigans, she was very much a part of their group. Her long hair was dark, more red than orange, and her almond-shaped eyes brilliantly green, the perfect shade of emerald. James, who was typically quite handsome, did look rather plain next to her, particularly at the present moment as he pushed his glasses back up on his nose. The two sat down opposite of Remus and Sirius' chess game, and Remus suppressed a laugh as he saw James gently reach for Lily's hand, who took it, blushing only slightly. It was quite obvious they were meant for each other. Remus wanted to tell Sirius this, but as he turned toward him, he found his friend looking at him with a very curious expression. It jogged something in Remus' memory—he was sure he'd seen that look before—but in a moment it was gone, and Sirius was once again, staring down at the chessboard.

"Where's Peter?" asked James.

"He went off with that friend of Lily's," Sirius pointed toward her, "what's her name? Aubrey? Audrey?"

"Audriana," Lily corrected.

"Right, well… her," said Sirius, "and we've just been playing a few rousing games of chess here. How are the new prefects?"

"They seem nice," Lily smiled, "and very eager. That girl you went out with last year, Sirius, Margaret, the Hufflepuff… she's a new prefect."

Sirius seemed uninterested. This was a mark of two things—how removed Sirius was from the previous school year, and how close him and Lily had gotten, that she would mention his love life. Somewhere in the past two or so years, their hatred for each other had melted from true annoyance to a brother- and sisterly banter. Remus could only assume that Sirius had either confided in his new "relative"… or else James had spoken to her. Both were highly likely scenarios.

"This year," said Sirius, pushing aside the chessboard and stretching out his arms above his head. "I'm only focused on one thing."

"Tell me it's N.E.W.T.s," said Lily, now allowing herself to move up against James, who lifted his arm around her protectively.

Sirius pulled a face toward the redhead that made James laugh. "No," he said shortly. "It's my last year at Hogwarts. I'm spending it all with my best friends." He pulled James into a headlock, who gave a loud cry of protest, and they wound up wrestling on the floor. They strongly reminded Remus of the large, would-be-graceful stag and shaggy black dog pouncing on each other as they ran throughout the grounds of Hogwarts. When they straightened up—James' hair was, ironically, neater than it had been before—Sirius winked at Remus, causing him to blush so deeply he turned away to look out the window.

**dooodo dooot otoeododo time change **

The rest of the train ride passed without real incident. Peter returned an hour later, and the four Marauders and Lily played several games of Exploding Snap, enjoying treats from the trolley and discussing new ways to torment Snape—which Lily pursed her lips at, but did not object too. By the time Remus looked out the window again, the sky had darkened considerably, and the mountains that surrounded Hogwarts were beginning to appear around the sides of their train. They had just enough time to change into their school uniforms—Sirius refused, point-blank, to tie on another tie—before the train was coming to a stop in the Hogsmeade station. It had become quite chilly in the evening, but the stars were bright and clear overhead. Remus, in fact, was so absorbed in looking up at them through the windows of the train that he, as the last of the five off the train, stumbled, headlong into a straggler just ahead of him who was struggling to shove the last of her books into the overhead compartment.

"Oh—sorry!" Remus exclaimed, dropping immediately down to help her collect her things. When they straightened up with the last of the books, the moonlight caught on her blue emblem; she was a Ravenclaw, studying a year or two below him.

"It's fine," she said, smiling at her. The girl looked incredibly nervous. Hastily, she pushed her springy, thick curls out of her eyes, and she shoved the many books in her hands in the compartment, Remus copying her. As the last of her many volumes disappeared above, however, one caught his eye.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, flipping it open. It was the same novel Sirius had gotten him for his birthday, and from the looks of it, it had been read a number of times. "I love this book! I just got to the part where Tom disappears—"

"Into the mountain foothills?" she finished breathlessly. "It's my favorite part!"

"Cool," Remus grinned. The girl, though obviously only a few years (possibly months) younger than him, had a shy, young way about her. Remus had no idea why she might have been acting so nervous around him, except for maybe she had been one of the many admirers of James and Sirius, and perhaps knew who he was by association. This had happened a few times before, and so he was not at all surprised when, as they walked off the train and into Hogsmeade, the girl blurted out: "You're Remus Lupin, aren't you? You're best friends with James Potter… and Sirius Black."

"Yes," he said, still smiling at her in a kindly way. They were amongst the last to climb into the horseless carriages, and still she twisted a lock of her hair around her finger, her cappuccino-colored cheeks darkening slightly. She had sweet expression in her dark eyes that reminded Remus fondly of Sirius' puppy-dog smile. "What's your name?" he asked her.

"Zoe," she responded, "I'm Zoe Stone."

Remus and his new, younger friend chatted politely all the way up during the short trip to the castle. She still seemed to have a bashfulness that refused to relent, but she was good company all the same, asking Remus so many questions about himself, and his friends that his head began to swim slightly. Just how much did this girl know about the always-popular James and Sirius that she would be this interested in learning about him?

"You take Arithmancy, right?" she asked quickly as they neared the school. "Because it's only my second year with it, and I've been so confused. I was thinking I needed a tutor for this year." She said this all in a rush, looking hopefully up at him.

"I could help you," said Remus, before he knew what he was saying. True, Zoe seemed rather eager, but Remus was finding it impossible to ignore her puppy-dog gaze. Her adoration was quite endearing, much like a little sister idolizing over her elder's successes.

"Really?" she smiled, and Remus grinned back at her. Perhaps a steady academic routine was what he needed to get his mind off of his impossible relationship fantasy. Staying busy had always been the best way to ignore it in the past, after all….

"Great," she exclaimed happily, jumping off the carriage in front of school. "My friends are just there," she pointed a distance away, "I've got to catch up with them. Meet you on Wednesday?"

Remus nodded and she ran off. He smiled after her, and then continued up into the Great Hall, taking his seat at the Gryffindor table beside James. The Sorting seemed to take no time at all, and before he knew it the vast quantities of food had appeared on the golden plates before them.

"What kept you?" asked James, helping himself to some pudding. "One minute you were right behind us... then you were gone."

Remus explained who he had met. At Zoe's description, James grinned, eyebrows raised, at Sirius. Remus faltered, confused, but James said, "go on", and he finished the story, Sirius' face looking somewhat disgruntled. James, however, laughed.

"Sounds like fun," he grinned. Lily, beside him, smiled as well, but Sirius still looked rather put out. Perplexed, Remus turned away and finished his dinner. By the time he had made it up to their dormitory, said goodnight, and drew in his curtains, he was still wondering what on earth everyone was so amused by, and the image of Sirius' forced smile fresh on his brain.

**HMMM. what do YOU think her intentions are? ; )**


	8. Chapter 8

**No Better Mistake**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING. : )

**NOTES:**

- I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend : ) I have to tell you all, your reviews, favorites, and alerts are honestly making me really happy right now. It's been a crazy few weeks around here, but all of you are **so nice and supportive and I very much appreciate it :) **

- **FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW... **I am currently writing the sequel to this story! That is part of the reason why I may not update super frequently. I hope you will all read it as well when the time comes!

- Now for another, sad, but still nice chapter. Let's see if our predictions about our new character were true.

**8**

Remus felt a certain sense of déjà vu as he sat on his four-poster bed the following morning, his bag, packed with new schoolbooks and fresh ink, beside him. He gazed around the dormitory, taking it what he had missed so dearly over the summer. The room had been his home for the past seven years, and was, admittedly, one of his very favorite places at the school. So many good memories of the three of his friends and himself had taken place in this very room—from plans for various pranks, full moon excursions, sneaking out… At this point, the four friends had plastered the room with posters so thickly it was almost beyond recognition from the dormitory they'd first moved in too. A faded, "Gryffindor for the Cup" banner stretched between the space of James' and Sirius' bedside tables, and all had made a habit of tacking up their detention slips, so much, that one entire wall looked like a single, fluttering sheet of parchment. Peter's clothes were already hanging out from his trunk on the floor, and James' bed lay rumpled and unmade from the night previous. The general disarray of the room made Remus smile. It was so familiar and lived-in, much like everything else about Hogwarts to him.

Remus smiled again as he heard Sirius' yell, as he had heard for many years, reverberating from the door across the room. "Just one second!" he called, the sound of water running in the background, "One—second—"

Remus smoothed the blankets down beside him. Already bathed and dressed, he sat waiting, picking at a patch in his very faded pants. James had already gone off to meet Lily for breakfast, and Peter had been gone when they rose, but, as usual, Sirius was running late. This happened several times a week, and Remus couldn't even bring himself to be mad—it was one of the would-be irritating, yet somehow endearing traits about the boy he had come to love.

Sirius burst from the door suddenly, a toothbrush sticking out of his mouth, half-dressed. Rifling through his clothes, he began to pull on and button up his pants. "Sorry, Moony," he muttered thickly through the foam of toothpaste, "what time—?"

"Half past," Remus answered promptly. Sirius groaned, but Remus felt like laughing. He knew his friend was looking for the tie that hung, just out of his line of vision, on the end of his bed. He rose from his sitting position.

"Go spit," he laughed at Sirius, who sped back to the bathroom, and then quickly found and put out the remaining parts of Sirius' scattered school uniform.

"Thanks," said Sirius breathlessly, pulling his sweater vest over his head and shoving his feet into his old shoes. "Could you help me with this? I'm rubbish at tying them…" he gestured to the striped tie that hung limply around his neck, and Remus moved forward to grasp the fabric. Suddenly, the frantic rush to get ready stopped. Time froze as Sirius squatted slightly on his long legs to allow him better access, and carefully, Remus made the knots around Sirius' neck. His nose was inches away from the boy's jaw line, who smelled like shaving cream, and recognizable cologne. He was aware of Sirius' soft, minty breath that was fluttering his hair away from his forehead, but he resolutely ignored it, and finished the tie before backing away from his friend, his heart skipping a beat.

They smiled at each other for a fraction of a second before Sirius exclaimed, "let's go!", grabbing his bag and pulling Remus out the door. They rushed down to the Great Hall, where they were to meet McGonagall for their new schedules, and hopefully grab a bit of toast before heading off to their first classes.

Upon entering the very crowded Hall, Remus made eye contact with his new Ravenclaw friend, who grinned at him. He waved, noticing, unfortunately for her, that she sloshed a large portion of orange juice down her front as she waved exuberantly back, due, no doubt, to the presence of Sirius' at his elbow. In newly tailored clothes and still-wet hair, Sirius was looking especially rugged this morning, particularly next to the somewhat shabby and preppy Remus. Seeing this, Sirius led Remus to the end of the Gryffindor table, where they found James and Lily and took seats across from them.

"Charms first," said James, whose mouth was very full of ketchup and eggs, "with the Hufflepuffs." He swallowed and grinned up at them. With Lily at his side, he was in a particularly good morning mood, his new Head Boy badge gleaming on the front of his robes. "It shouldn't be too bad," he contended, now helping himself to a swig of milk. "What's with you?"

He was talking to Sirius, who was looking irritated now; a stark contrast to the bubbly conversation he'd been having only minutes earlier with Remus on their way downstairs. "Nothing," he said shortly.

Remus told James, laughing, how his new friend had reacted toward Sirius, commenting again on how infatuated she seemed to be with the more popular Marauders. Once again, James exchanged an amused look with Lily, who quickly busied herself with the morning paper.

"She definitely fancies a Marauder," James agreed, grinning at Sirius, who turned away. He seemed annoyed by the whole thing, which was a great relief to Remus. He had hoped, secretly of course, that Sirius' lack of interest in dating would continue over this coming year. He didn't think he could stand to see his friend holding hands, or eating lunch with another beautiful female, especially when the taste of Sirius' kiss was still fresh on his mind. Sirius' apparent distaste for Zoe was unusual, but appreciated nevertheless. Determined as he was to pretend their kiss had never happened, and as grateful as Remus was that, so far, nothing major seemed to have changed in their relationship, he still didn't enjoy the idea of Sirius being with someone else. He was resigned to the fact that that could never be together, but that didn't stop him from looking at Sirius… or—Remus snuck a glance over at his friend, who was hunched over a sugar-filled cup of coffee, still looking goaded—lusting after him…

He shook his head as if to clear the thoughts. The panic he had felt at the idea of losing Sirius as a friend on the morning after his birthday was not yet forgotten. He had to be careful. The boys had already done enough for him, accepting him despite his obviously dangerous abnormality, and he would be damned if he'd lose one of them over his stupid, impossible crush.

And so, smiling benignly, he reached for the jam across the table, the thoughts he so desperately tried to block from his head so achingly, yet unknowingly, similar to those of the boy on his right-hand side.

**time change space blah blah  
**

The first several weeks of classes seemed to fly by, faster than they ever had at Hogwarts. The teachers were loading their students down with so much N.E.W.T. work that by one weekend, Remus found himself beside James, Lily, and Sirius in the library, plowing doggedly through a particularly lovely Potions essay that was due the following Monday. Peter, who had already given up completely, was nowhere to be found, but Remus was happy to see Lily filling the space Peter had begun to leave empty. In the past year or so, Peter had been growing apart from them as Lily grew closer, and the addition of a very intelligent female in their group was a nice change of pace. She was now frowning beside Sirius, both pairs of eyes squinting into a large volume they were sharing. She looked tired, but smiled when she glanced up for a moment, her eyes lingering on James, who was re-reading his essay. He was also absent-mindedly scratching his cheek with his quill, leaving blue ink in thin, straight lines. Remus was about to point this out to James when Lily reached across the table. James looked up and grinned at her as she rubbed her thumb down his cheek to remove the ink.

It made Remus happy to see these small examples of their affection, more and more of which were cropping up every day. It gave him hope; that even Lily, who had always "disdained" James, could finally come around to accept what was meant to be. Nearly every time he caught one of these acts, however, he saw also Sirius glancing in their direction. He couldn't figure out what Sirius meant by this. Surely he wasn't angry with James or Lily for their newfound distractions in each other, going off and leaving him alone—he must be used to that sort of behavior from the previous summer, and he hadn't seemed annoyed then. He didn't seem resentful toward either of them by any means; on the contrary, he seemed happier than ever around both of them, joking more freely than he had in many months. However, in the rare moments Remus glanced at him before Sirius caught his eye, he seemed to watch the couple with a sort of fervency; a longing. It was very strange indeed.

Tearing his eyes away from his friends, and his essay, Remus looked around the library. A small number of students were also huddled around tables like themselves, trying to get their weekend homework out of the way, or else bombarded with assignments. From a group of Ravenclaws, Zoe waved over at Remus. True to his word, they had met on a few Wednesdays, in the very spot she now sat, and Remus had helped her through her Arithmancy homework, though, if he was honest with himself, she hadn't seemed that interested in the subject. She seemed much more keen on asking Remus questions about himself and his friends, staring up at him so frequently that it was beginning to make Remus uncomfortable. If she wanted to know something about Sirius, why didn't she just ask him outright, instead of making him feel like he was some sort of blockade for her infatuation? He hadn't shared this thought with James, who had grinned at him in a somewhat mocking way whenever he'd re-entered into their dormitory. Sirius always seemed to be mysteriously absent, but if he had been there, Remus wasn't sure he would have wanted to share with Sirius as his new friend's interest continued to grow. Although it seemed he wouldn't have cared, he just couldn't chance the conversation.

Suddenly and involuntarily, he drew his eyes away from the Ravenclaw table. Sirius, who sat on Remus' left, had brushed his leg against his in an apparent accident, as his eyes were still glued to the book beside Lily. This was enough to jolt Remus back to their table, as he sat stiffly, unable to concentrate on anything other than the feeling of Sirius' hand near his knee as he reached down to scratch his leg.

"I give up," said James finally, throwing down his parchment. The rest followed suit. James ran a hand through his already rumpled hair, but not out of cockiness; it was a simple habit now. Lily twisted a ring on her finger, and Sirius sighed, stretching out his limbs and trying to smile, but looking tired. "You're lucky Slughorn likes you, Lily," he commented, taking her hand to stop her from fiddling with her jewelry. She smiled wearily up at him.

"Still won't help me get any more N.E.W.T.s," she sighed. In the dim light of the library lamps, her emerald eyes shone and she rubbed them with the back of her hand. She began packing up her books, stacking them into a pile. "Come on, James," she said. She rose from their table. "We've got that meeting with the prefects in fifteen minutes."

"Right," he agreed, also rising, shoving his books into his bag with considerably less grace. He winked at his friends, who still sat, and grinned up at her. "Shall we?" he asked cheerily. They exited the library with a wave toward Sirius and Remus, walking very close together. Remus looked fondly after them.

"It's nice to see them like this, isn't it?" he asked Sirius. "I mean, now that James' head has deflated a little, she seems quite keen on him, doesn't she?"

Sirius laughed, but quietly, as they both knew all too well how easy it was to get kicked out of the library, especially with a track record like theirs. "Lily is great for him," he agreed, "good of her to take the prat in."

Remus was so distracted in agreeing with Sirius—and noticing the way the light was reflecting off his wide, dazzling smile—that he didn't notice Zoe approaching them until she set her book on the table. Breaking his gaze with Sirius, he turned to face her, quickly hiding his expression of distaste at the interruption from his gazing. "Hello," he tried to say, but it came out as more of a gurgle.

"Hi," she answered breathily, her stare going from Remus to Sirius, then back again. She seemed, once again, to be suffering under an incredible amount of nerves. "How are you?"

"Fine, thanks," said Remus, half confused by her behavior and half annoyed. Her infatuation with Sirius was bad enough, but now that she was interrupting _their _time together…

"I've been wondering," she said in a rush, once again twisting one of the thick curls of hair that bounced down near her jawline. "Would you—I mean to say, how would you feel—?"

"I've got to go," said Sirius abruptly, rising to his feet and gathering his things together loudly. Remus turned to him, surprised, but before he could say anything at all, Sirius was striding out of the room, stuffing his books into his bag as he walked. Almost immediately, the girl took his abandoned seat and began to talk in earnest, but Remus wasn't listening. He was instead watching the doorway from which his friend had just exited, remembering sadly the last time Sirius had walked away from him, climbed onto his bike, and vanished.

**D:! What does she want? Why is Sirius so mad? When will Remus stop being so STUPID?**

**The next chapter is a heated one, folks.**


	9. Chapter 9

**No Better Mistake**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING. : )

**NOTES:**

- **REGARDING THE SEQUEL:** Although I'm working on it right now, I don't know how soon after I finish posting this story I can start posting it (I don't like to post stories till I'm already done writing them). **if you want to read it when I post, please put me on your author alert!**

- I promise some really, REALLY exciting stuff will happen sooooon! ;)

**9**

Sirius entered an empty classroom mere feet away from the library, breathing hard. If he had stayed for another minute… he was terrified at the thought. Already he had been involuntarily leaning toward Remus, transfixed with his glowing amber eyes… ready to beat that stupid little girl into a pulp if she'd as much as looked his way…

Sirius had been having quite a time trying to suppress his normally obvious emotions, especially when it came to hiding them from James, who could read him like no one else. He felt his insides positively burn with rage as he sat on the floor of the Charms classroom, gripping a handful of his jacket so hard it was bound to tear. Looking down and realizing the intensity of his grip, he loosened his hand, but the anger inside of him still ached. Whether Remus was suddenly genuinely interested in a girl, or else just _dim_, his newly discovered female friend was causing Sirius to have a very sore spot indeed. Six years previous without so much as a glance at a woman, and now he was suddenly giving private tutoring lessons to the obviously smitten Ravenclaw and acting as if Sirius were no more interesting than his daily porridge. While he _knew_ he must contain his rage if he wanted Remus to remain his friend at all, it didn't stop Sirius from being incredibly annoyed every time the girl poked into their conversations, or smiled at Remus from across the room…

Sirius groaned out loud at this very thought, burying his face into his hands. He couldn't remember ever feeling so frustrated, not even during the year prior, when he'd spent countless hours in these very same abandoned classrooms, angry beyond belief with himself at his bewildering daydreams of an improbable relationship. Now, he was finding it harder every day to convince himself that Remus wasn't interested in someone else—he may have been lying to himself before, but at least he hadn't had another person in the picture to try and ignore.

Sirius sat on the floor for another half hour, fuming. He was angry with himself for being such an idiot; he was furious with Zoe for being herself, and, as much as he hated to admit it, he was even mad at Remus for being in this position at all. He knew it was unrealistic to have expected Remus to stay single forever, but he definitely had a sort of "if I can't have you, no one can" mentality. However, after many more minutes of quiet smoldering, and lighting a cigarette with his wand tip, he was forced to accept that there was nothing he could do. He had made his mind up before school began – no matter what, he would not let Remus know how angry he was, at risk of losing him entirely. He had seriously lucked out that Remus had chosen to pretend like their "drunken" mistake hadn't happened, and that their relationship hadn't suffered too severely, but he knew that if he had the emotional slip he could feel brewing, it would cost him dearly. Therefore, still annoyed, he pulled himself off the floor, picking his bag up once again, and walking quickly and quietly back up to Gryffindor tower, thinking at least he could try and get some quiet sleep.

He was quite surprised to find Remus sitting alone in the common room upon his entrance. Checking his watch, he realized it was getting quite late, but he had assumed Remus would have remained in the library, either to continue his work or—Sirius felt his rage spike up again—talk to Zoe for a little while longer.

Remus smiled up at him as he entered. He was sitting in front of the fire, his knees curled up to his chest, the book he had been reading lying open on the couch beside him. His light brown hair, which swept across his forehead and down past his ears, glowed red in the reflection of the flames, which played across his face; streams of light in the otherwise fairly dim common room. "Hello," he said pleasantly as Sirius walked in and dropped his bag on the floor, taking a seat beside the other boy.

"I thought you'd still be in the library," said Sirius, struggling to keep his voice free from bitterness, as he too, pulled off his shoes and socks and then extended his cold feet toward the fireplace. Sirius' feet, which were long and thin like his legs and chest, looked almost yellow next to the pale skin of Remus' smaller limbs. Remus, who was by no means ladylike, simply looked much slighter compared to Sirius, but perhaps it was his consistently weakened state, or his tendency to remain engrossed in studying while Sirius typically preferred to engage in loud, attention-getting activities. Despite his long hair, Sirius had a slender, masculine look about him, with a proud jaw line and broader shoulders than the small-framed Remus, whose low weight and thin body was a result of sickness and not eating, rather than sporting activities. Sirius couldn't help but recall the way Remus' hand had seemed to fit perfectly into his as they had sat on Remus' bed, or the way his fingers seemed to be the exact size to cup Remus' face into his hands.

"Shook her off," Remus answered. The thin scar on his face was much more visible in the firelight than in everyday sunshine, and without thinking, he raised a finger to touch it again. He felt particularly self-conscious about it around Sirius, who knew exactly how he had been afflicted.

Sirius tried to smile at him, but it quickly faded as Remus went on: "she kept asking me all these questions. It's getting me so… frustrated."

"Why?" Sirius asked, before he could stop himself. He felt the anger and irritation inside himself began to stir once more, like a simmering potion over an open flame.

"Dunno," Remus shrugged. They both were looking forward into the fireplace now, and luckily, the heat from the flames hid the blush on Remus' face. "Just wish she wouldn't talk to me when she clearly is interested in… well… you, obviously."

Sirius was shocked. It seemed to have cost Remus a great effort to say this, as he now sat awkwardly, avoiding the gaze that his friend had turned upon him. "What?" was all Sirius could think to say.

"I mean, you know," Remus said hurriedly, "I'm not saying you should date her, but she's clearly wanting too—blushing, every time you're around, making a point to talk to me when she needn't—"

Sirius felt an odd mix of emotions stirring inside of himself. Relieved though he was to hear Remus openly talk about his lack of interest, he was perplexed as to how he had come to his conclusion, and still, his frustration and anger were beginning to loom their ugly heads. He didn't _want _to have to have this conversation with Remus, to let him know what was really going on. "Are you stupid?" he blurted out. It came out much more harshly than he meant, and Remus turned to look at him, shocked, but the damage was done. Trying though he was to squash his rage, Sirius felt it began to boil out of him as if someone had sharply turned up the heat underneath his mellowing potion concoction. "You can't be serious!"

Remus opened his mouth, as if to respond, but Sirius heard himself pressing on, against his better judgment. "Come off it, Remus! Haven't you seen James with those stupid little looks of his? He's rubbish at hiding anything, you know that—"

"Yes, but—" Remus tried to interject, but Sirius pressed onward, hardly knowing what he was saying now, but feeling the suppressed thoughts spill out of him anyway.

"Making a point to talk to you—well, of course she fucking is; all your little study sessions, coming up to you at dinner and us in the library—"

"_What _are you going on about?" asked Remus, utterly perplexed. He was looking at Sirius, so obviously lost that Sirius felt a stab of annoyance. Why did this matter to him, when nothing would ever change…

"_Moony!" _Sirius cried, exasperated, and hating himself for ever bringing it up. "She fancies _you,_ you imbecile! The little, stupid girl fancies you! Not James or me! How thick _are _you?"

Remus stared at him, blinking, still obviously confused. Sirius had completely lost his head by now. He was staring at Remus, eyes blazing, and made a movement toward him. For one split second, Remus thought he was going to grab him, but instead, he snatched up the books and shoes he had abandoned on the floor. "Well, what are you waiting for?" he asked harshly, swinging the bag over his shoulder. He looked bitter, and much angrier than Remus had seen him in quite some time. "Now you've figured that out, you ought to go find her."

"Padfoot—I don't—" Remus tried to explain, but Sirius had already swept out of sight, still obviously enraged. Remus could hear the sounds of his bare feet on the stone steps leading up to their room grow fainter and fainter, and he threw himself back onto the couch cushions and sighed deeply, rubbing his temples.

Rather than helping Remus to understand his situation, this new realization only made him feel more confused than ever. Alright, he now understood why Zoe had been so keen to meet with him to study, but it still seemed improbable that all her awkward and shy moments had been a result of _his _presence. Why in the world would she be interested in him, anyway? Remus knew he wasn't particularly interesting, in contrast to his very talented, and very handsome friends.

But there was an even bigger issue. Even with this new knowledge, Remus still didn't understand—why was Sirius so angry with him, and the idea that Remus hadn't known the truth? Why, if he was aware that Zoe didn't fancy him, had he turned away in apparent annoyance at her approaching Remus in the Great Hall? And, oddest of all, why had he left tonight in a huff? If he had known this—and Remus was sure now, that he had been the only one stupid enough to not realize—why hadn't he left Remus with Zoe in a good mood, eager for them to start a relationship, as he had been with Lily and James?

Remus was so lost in thought that he barely noticed when the portrait hole swung open and James and Lily themselves entered, holding hands and looking cheerful. Spotting Remus, they broke apart slightly, but Remus quickly appeared to be busy in the book sitting beside him. He heard James mutter a goodnight to Lily and then climb up the stairs, as Sirius had done, to their dormitory, and then felt a shift in the weight beside him as Lily sat down. "What's up?" she asked simply, placing a hand on Remus' arm.

In spite of himself, Remus told her what had happened that night—leaving out, of course, the details of his feelings toward the fuming Sirius. She nodded understandingly, but kept quiet until he was finished, when she finally said, matter-of-factly, "Remus, he's jealous."

"Jealous?" he repeated blankly, "jealous of who? He can get girls anytime, can't he?"

Lily shook her head. "That's not what I mean. I think he's jealous that you're getting this attention. He still feels very guilty about not being around last year—(Remus shifted rather uncomfortably)—and he really wants to spend this year with you, his friend."

"But then," said Remus, his normally sharp mind still annoyingly befuddled, "what about you and James, then? He seems happy about that."

Lily shrugged. She turned her gaze away from Remus and into the fire, as Sirius had done, and seemed unaware as a small smile crept across her lips. "I don't know about that," she admitted, "except that he's used to it after summer, I suppose." She straightened up, looking more serious again. "He feels as if he's let you down, Remus. He wants to spend time with you." When Remus still looked unsure, she pressed on: "he really cares about you."

Neither Lily nor Remus spoke for a few minutes, the silence stretching between them as they watched the last embers of the fire die to nothing. He was lost in thought about all he had just heard from his friends. Finally, Lily rose, gathering up her things, and turning to Remus once more.

"Stop trying to block him out," she said plainly to him, who looked up once more again at her. "It's okay to care for him too, Remus."

And then she was gone, swept off to the girls' dormitories, leaving Remus simultaneously more confused and more excited than he had been before she spoke.

**oh shitttt. He's pissed. What do you think? Can you guess what will happen next...?**


	10. Chapter 10

**No Better Mistake**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING. : )

**NOTES:**

- I LOVE THIS CHAPTER. Is that weird? OOooh, I'm so excited to post it.

**10**

Remus didn't know how to react to his new discovery of Zoe's true intentions, and Sirius' apparent "jealousy". He had, however gone immediately to the girl the next day and told her he could no longer continue with their tutoring sessions. Ignoring her somewhat crestfallen face, Remus had pushed on, knowing this decision would alleviate several problems: he wouldn't have to deal with the awkwardness of her crush (now that he knew about it, he couldn't understand how he had ignored it before), and perhaps Sirius wouldn't seem so annoyed. Despite his conversation with Lily, he still couldn't make head or tails of Sirius' feelings, and Sirius seemed determined not to discuss them. Still, Remus approached the full moon, which was coming in a few days later, with mixed feelings. Despite the obvious pain and humiliation, he found himself oddly looking forward to these nights; nights where James, Sirius, Peter, and himself ran around the grounds with such unrestrained and relentless energy that they produced many exciting memories. Ashamed as he was to admit it, he was also looking forward to his morning-after routine with Sirius. Perhaps it would take his, and Sirius' mind off of things… or at least give them a few stories to discuss in the following week.

And so, as Madame Pomprey lead Remus down to the Whomping Willow on Tuesday night, he felt strangely at peace. He knew that within a quarter of an hour his friends would be by his side, and the thought of not being alone seemed to dull the pain he knew he was about to undergo. The nurse left him at the trunk of the momentarily frozen tree, and he quickly climbed through the tunnel, ducking very low to avoid hitting his head on the low, dingy ceilings. He realized with a start that, after this year, he had no idea where he would be transforming. As horrible and embarrassing as it was to have to be shunted into the Shrieking Shack every month, at least he considered it a safe place… as long as he and the others didn't get _too _out of hand with their gallivants.

He gave another start when he opened the door at the top of the stairs into the main room of the Shack. James, Sirius, and Peter were already standing there, James carrying his Invisibility Cloak under one arm. They were grinning at him, though Peter's looked rather forced.

"What are you three doing here?" asked Remus, amazed. Typically they showed up after he transformed, as he preferred, using Peter, who took the form of a rat, to tap the knot on the Willow to freeze it. The sky was growing very dark outside, and Remus realized now that, for the first time, they were to see him transform – something he had been specifically thankful they'd always missed. He was uncomfortably aware of their eyes on him, though James and Sirius, still smiled, and he turned away. "Er—you might want to—" he gestured into the next room, where they began to turn and enter into.

As if he possessed a sixth sense, he could _feel _the moon rising, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He gave an involuntary shiver. He knew he only had minutes before the transformation began to take place. Hurriedly, he removed his clothing, which was soon to become too small, and placed it in a high, closet shelf. Very aware of his friends in the next room, all feelings of peace now evaporated, and the familiar sense of dread and panic began to wash over him, intensified by the presence of humans in the next room. It was like cold ice being poured all over his body. He looked around, as if he had some way to get out, but knowing it was futile, he had to face what was about to come…

"Change!" he tried to yell toward his friends, but already the voice coming out of his mouth was sounding harsh, a roar, so unlike his normal one. He was crouched on the Shack floor, breathing heavily, gasping through his suffering. His eyes were turned toward the doorway where his friends were, and moaning with pain, he gave another jolt of horror as saw Sirius rush out from it and over to him.

Remus' heart was now beating so fast against his ribcage that he felt it might pop right out of his chest. His back was tensed so tightly that every vertebrae on his spine poked straight out from underneath the thinly stretched skin. Every muscle in his body was flexed; even his blood vessels felt as if they were about to pop. Simultaneously, he felt Sirius' hand on his back and his bones begin to shift position, and he turned, suddenly, toward Sirius, snapping. His teeth were already beginning to grow into fangs; his hair was growing longer and wilder as he felt the bones in his arms and legs break, move, and grow…

"_Change,"_ he managed to moan, again, toward Sirius before his spine popped clean out from his back, causing him to scream in pain. He gripped the floor with his newly sprouting claws, drawing thick gouge marks into the wood, his feet sprouting the same, yellow-green nails. Sirius was backing away from him, clearly frightened, yet unable to look away, transfixed, as Remus sprouted more and more hair, howling in pain as his body grew and shaped, as he transformed into the werewolf…

At the very last second, Remus saw, out of the corner of his eye, Sirius change into a giant, shaggy black dog, and he pounced. Completely losing control of all thought and action, the werewolf pinned the canine to the ground, ripping at its skin, teeth barred.

James bounded into the room at that exact moment; a magnificently huge stag. Knocking Remus to the ground with his massive antlers, he pushed his way in between the two former humans, creating a barrier. Peter, squeaking furiously in terror after witnessing Remus' transformation, was tearing down the stairs in his rat form. Growling, the werewolf tore after him, following immediately by the two large creatures.

The first sniff of fresh, night air was like the first breath of life to the enraged werewolf. Looking on either side of him, he saw the glorious stag and the massive dog, and paused for a moment, seeming to almost recognize them. James, the stag, gave the werewolf another, more gentle nudge with his antlers, and the vengeful and horrible gleam in the werewolf's eyes seemed to dim slightly. These creatures were not a threat to him. With another nudge from James, the three took off into the night, nipping at each other heels, the two dogs howling, tearing through the dark Hogwarts woods of their own, personal playground.

**thanks document reader even though i put a mark here you still won't ADD A SPACE**

**time change time change**

Groggily, Remus slowly opened his eyes the next morning. He was laying on the floor of the Shrieking Shack, covered in James' Invisibility Cloak, the thick layer of dust and dirt on the ground cushioning his body. The sunlight was streaming through the broken window, directly onto his face, making him wince with pain as he began to come to his senses. He sighed, relived. For this month, at least, the pain was over.

Hearing a snuffling noise beside of him, Remus turned to see Sirius asleep a few feet away, curled up in a position that told him he must have drifted off still in dog form. In spite of his various, and now increasingly painful injuries, Remus smiled. Sirius, who looked about as beat-up as Remus felt, seemed to be oblivious to the world, his dark head resting awkwardly on what would have been his front paws. Remus made an effort to rise, and hopefully collect his things, when the sharp pains he felt caused him to groan loudly, waking Sirius from his spot on the floor.

"Don't get up!" said Sirius hurriedly, jumping to his feet and rushing over to the hall closet, where he knew Remus' clothes were stacked. He, the opposite of Remus, seemed unashamed as Remus turned his back to him and pulled on his boxer shorts and jeans, his arms too sore to pull his t-shirt on just yet. Sirius hovered over him—"I'm sorry, I didn't bring any dittany, otherwise I would—"

"It's fine," Remus muttered. Sirius sank down next to him, looking visibly distressed. Remus crossed his legs, resting his tousled head on his palms. He could feel several sore areas, and thought that he had maybe injured a few ribs. As he rubbed his face, he wiped some dried blood from the corner of his mouth. "What time is it?" he asked.

"Early," responded Sirius at once, who seemed to be desperate to ensure that Remus was, indeed, okay. "Not even seven yet. Plenty of time before class."

Remus nodded. "And James? Peter?"

Sirius' face screwed up in concentration. Remus knew he was trying to remember what had happened last night as well, because as a dog, Sirius' emotions and thoughts were much less complex, and sometimes he forgot details. "Left last night," he said at last, "and Peter… actually, I have no idea where Peter went. I don't think he was there at all. Either that, or you ate the stupid git." His face clouded with apparent distaste, but then he moved closer to Remus and placed a hand gently on his shoulder. "Are you alright, Moony?"

Remus looked up at him. Horrified, he noticed now for the first time that Sirius was quite injured as well. He had a significant bruise swelling over his face, and his arms and chest—for Sirius wasn't wearing a shirt either—were covered in scratches and scrapes. This was Remus' least favorite part of his transformations… aside from the pain, aside from the embarrassment… the idea that he may have inflicted pain upon others, or caused them to do so to themselves, when he was out of his mind. "I'm sorry you're hurt," he said quietly to Sirius, who shrugged it off.

"It's fine," he said, echoing Remus. He seemed much calmer now that Remus was talking normally, and sitting up to face him. His mouth twitched downward as he looked over Remus' many ailments and wounds, but he quickly averted his eyes and conjured up a large plate of sandwiches, summoning a flagon of juice in through the broken window, but Remus wasn't hungry. After sitting in silence for several minutes, Sirius finally spoke to him, smiling weakly.

"It was scary… last night, Moony," he told him, looking at him over the rim of the juice. Remus felt his breath catch in his throat. "Seeing you transform and all, I mean. I… I didn't know it would be that bad."

Remus couldn't find the words to answer him right away. Still aching, he now felt the rush of remembrance that Sirius had, for the first time, seen him transform into the werewolf he became every month. Recollections came back to him in flashes – seeing Sirius' horrified face as his spine cracked; pouncing on him like a deadly predator…

Remus tried again to get to his feet, but Sirius pulled him quickly, and gently back down. "Rest," he murmured, his fingers momentarily rubbing the small of his back, and Remus felt himself obey as he drew away again, sinking back down onto the ground with a soft _thud._

"You shouldn't have to take care of me like this," he muttered, humiliated. He didn't know what was making him say it. Usually, the morning after even the roughest of transformations, Sirius would joke and the two would laugh, pretending as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred, as if the night before had been all fun, and no one had gotten hurt. Witnessing Remus' excruciating change into the wolf had changed this light-hearted nature, however, and now… well, now, things wouldn't be the same. This couldn't be explained away by alcohol, but it was just the same situation—Remus, unable to control who he was or what he was doing, and Sirius, still there for him, still pretending it was all the same. Perhaps this connection was what made the words fall out of Remus' mouth, issuing forth before he could stop them…

"You shouldn't have had to take care of me this summer, either," he mumbled, face growing warm. "You shouldn't have to take care of me when I keep messing up."

"What do you mean?" asked Sirius quickly. Remus felt his heart begin to beat in double time. He was still drowsy from sleep, and still hazy from the night before, but it didn't explain the words that were now falling from his mouth in a rush. It was as if he had been planning to say these things all along, the way they were coming out; he was unable to stifle the flow of them as he stared down, onto his knee, ignoring Sirius' piercing gaze…

"This summer…" he wouldn't look at him, wouldn't stare into those perplexed eyes… "it was my fault, I shouldn't have… what happened…"

"Remus," said Sirius, speaking very fast and very sharply now. "That night… That was… it wasn't… _your _fault."

Remus felt his head jolting upward in shock. "I don't understand," he said blankly. "I ruined…everything… I always ruin everything."

"You _don't._ I wasn't…" Sirius now faltered, swallowed, and then tried again. "I hadn't… I wasn't _drunk_, Moony."

Remus stared at him, mouth agape, but Sirius pushed onward. "I didn't mean for it to happen though, Remus. I'd only had that bit, and then I didn't know you were going to drink so much—I mean—I thought it was under control—but then… well, I feel like I took advantage of you for letting it go on and…"

It was like sparks had gone off in Remus' mind's eye—he was dazzled by the light, and trying to make sense of what he had just heard. If Sirius had been in a right mind… Remus remembered—his hands on his face, holding him there; Sirius' mouth on his neck, the coin-shaped hickey on his collarbone… Sirius _"letting it go on…" _"If you weren't…" he muttered slowly.

"I know it makes me a freak, Moony, to—to let it happen, and I'm sorry—I didn't want anything to change between us but then it happened and I didn't realize until later how far gone you were and I pushed you into it—but I couldn't—stop—"

But numb realization was sweeping across Remus' mind, and his face. The feeling was leaving from his limbs, replaced with a dull, buzzing sensation. Sirius had been sober. Sirius had known what he was doing, and Sirius had kissed him back. Sirius felt guilty about what had happened… Sirius hadn't wanted things to change between them.

But Sirius had _wanted _it to happen.

_Finally_ realizing what had happened, and feeling like he was viewing the scene from a far, far distance away, Remus lifted his head toward Sirius, locking his burning amber eyes onto Sirius' dark, gray ones.

**DUN.**

**DUN.**

**DUHHHHHHH.**

**I have no shame: the more reviews I get, the faster I will update this fun little bit : D**

**P.S. I hate Peter.**


	11. Chapter 11

**No Better Mistake**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING. : )

**NOTES:**

- I SHOULD THREATEN YOU GUYS MORE OFTEN! I'm sooo excited for all these reviews! And so excited to post this chapter. I was going to wait until Friday or Saturday but, true to my word, I updated fast! Love you all :) I'm so ready for everyone to read this.

**11**

Before he could change his mind, before he could think about what he was doing, Remus was kissing Sirius so hard that he'd pushed the boy on back onto the floor, pinning him to the ground once again.

Giving a yelp of surprise, Sirius grabbed Remus' sides, ignoring the cracked ribs of the younger boy, bypassing the bruised and scraped skin to hold tightly onto him, pulling himself further into their passionate embrace. It was painful and awkward… but… it was ecstasy. Both of their mouths were sour from orange juice, both were sweaty and dirt-covered from the night before, but, as far as Remus and Sirius were both concerned, it was perfection. Remus didn't care if he was making a fool of himself, and he didn't care that his sides ached. He was climbing on top of Sirius, straddling his hips, with such reckless abandon that he had no time to be surprised with himself. He forgot that Sirius was his best friend; he forgot that Sirius apparently liked women; he forgot, even, for those brief moments, that he was a werewolf—a dangerous, despicable creature that didn't deserve Sirius in the slightest. For one, he was letting himself be happy. All he knew then was that he was finally kissing Sirius… and Sirius was kissing him back.

The sunlight streaming in through the windows was growing stronger as Sirius pushed himself up on his elbows, taking the dominant role he always had in their relationship. Unwilling to break his connection with Remus, he pulled the pair onto their feet, collapsing again on the broken, ripped couch in the Shack's far corner. With one hand, he propped himself up against the side of the furniture, and with the other hand, he grabbed a handful of Remus' rumpled hair, moaning without hesitation or embarrassment into their heated lip lock. The sound only increased Remus' desire, whose hands were both grabbing at Sirius' chest, in an almost funny mirror image of their position only a month prior. This time, however, his head was swimming with unfiltered happiness too thick to feel guilt, and his stomach turned with gleeful hope, rather than waves of nausea. He felt Sirius begin to nip at his neck again, and this time he arched back to allow him better access, dragging his nails down the boy's back as Sirius kissed him just below his earlobe. Sirius' hair was falling onto his face, and Remus laughed, pushing it away, burying his own face in Sirius' neck, breathing hard and fast against him. He could feel Sirius' chest pulsating next to his as they lay in a tangle of limbs, beating right alongside his rapidly throbbing heartbeat.

Sirius' hands were across Remus' torso now, rubbing down the front of his neck and onto his chest, and he let out a low hiss as Sirius' fingers hit every sensitive spot – stomach, nipples, cuts, and scars. He was a whirl of his senses, though his eyes were barely open—the touch of Sirius' skin on his, the sound of his own breath and moans, the smell of Sirius' hair and smoke and dirt and soap. He couldn't _believe _this was happening; after all his fantasies, all his longing…

As if Sirius were reading his mind, he raised his head from off of Remus' chest, grinning up at him through his curtain of dark hair. Remus couldn't help but beam back, almost giggling in his state of complete happiness. More gently now, Sirius hesitated only for a moment, then planted another kiss on his smiling mouth, pulling his fingers gracefully down Remus' cheek, carefully touching the scar there. He was sweating slightly, but his mouth was soft, warm, and a perfect fit onto Remus' parted lips. It made Remus dizzy to feel this passion, as if all the heat of Sirius' body and soul were radiating up through his mouth, which was encasing Remus' bottom lip as if to savor a very special treat.

"You don't know how long…" Sirius breathed, still hunched over Remus. They were both trying to catch their breath; the activities they were participating in leaving them very winded indeed. "You don't know how long I've wanted to do that for, Moony."

Remus laughed again, unable to wrench his eyes away. "Actually, I'm sure I know what it feels like."

Sirius pushed back Remus' hair fondly, his eyes shining, mouth curling into a wide, genuine smile. "Come here," he said, pulling the smaller boy against his chest and falling backward onto the broken couch. They half-sat, half-lay in the corner, Remus' ear against Sirius' bare chest; hearing his heart and his voice reverberate with every word he spoke. One of Sirius' hands was low on his back, the other absent-mindedly turning over a strand of hair. He seemed to be choosing his words carefully, speaking softly into Remus' ear. "Do you see now?" he murmured, his breath tickling, "what I was talking about? What I had to figure out? It was you, Remus… it was always you."

Remus buried his face deeper into the boy's chest, who now sighed, feeling his friend's head move up and down with his deep breathing. "I thought I would ruin everything if I told you," he continued, "but I was so angry when you met that girl. I thought you might…"

"Fancy her?" Remus chortled, "no chance."

"I knew you liked boys," said Sirius, almost smugly, as he continued to stroke Remus' fawn-colored strands.

"Just one, really," Remus admitted, hardly believing in his own daring. It was as if Sirius' kiss, and his own pleasure had broken some filter in his brain, and everything he thought and felt was pouring out, unrestrained. He was letting, for once, his heart speak instead of his brain; the latter of which's reason was squashed by the blissful waves of affection. Sirius didn't seem the least bit shocked or appalled, however, in fact he seemed to beam wider with every thing Remus said. He sighed deeply.

"The guilt I felt last year…" he told Remus, his voice barely more than a low murmur, "about everything I had done… and now…. Knowing this… I never meant to hurt you, Moony. All those stupid dates, and excuses… they were all just reasons to stay away from you. I didn't know what I'd do if I go too close."

Remus remembered, all-too-well, the sinking feelings he had gotten all of last year, watching his friend go off with countless other people, feeling more and more hopeless than Sirius would ever look over and notice him; petrified he would slip up. However, now, lying in the comfort and security of Sirius' chest, the sadness and despair of the year prior seemed to melt away, all of his worries about being too dangerous and too lowly, burned away by the sun like the morning mist outside. "I don't care about that," he told him genuinely, "I don't _care _about last year… or any year for that matter. I care about… this. Now."

"So you want to be… together? You and me?" Sirius asked, and Remus could feel his heartbeat quicken within his bare chest, thumping loudly against Remus' ear. Remus could feel Sirius' gray eyes upon him, and he felt his own heartbeat race to meet in time with the others. As an answer, he leaned up, closing his eyes, and once again without thinking, kissing Sirius deeply. He felt the grip tighten on his lower back, a finger catching in through his belt loop to hold him there. He had no doubt what he wanted from Sirius… and his fluttering heart was resolutely ignoring the logic that told him not to give in to his selfish desires. When they drew apart, Remus let his forehead rest on Sirius' chin. He paused for a long minute.

"If you will have me… Yes," he said simply, and the two dissolved into their embrace once more.

**aww time change aw**

**aw aw time change**

Initially, it was hard for Remus to wipe the grin off his face as Sirius and himself entered their first class of the day, Transfiguration. During a hasty, but mandatory, run up to Hospital Wing (Remus stealthily swiping a little extra of his bruise-healing potion for Sirius' very obviously beaten face), Sirius had waited outside the door, and they two had to make it to class at a run, dapping the paste on their various visible wounds and pulling on random bits of their uniforms. Exhausted though he was, Remus found himself feeling slightly hazy as he snuck a glance at Sirius during the time they were meant to be taking notes. He still had a shadow of a bruise under his eye. Remus felt a stab of guilt; James, who was, of course, also in their class, was also sporting several cuts across his arms. This familiar sense of selfishness and anxiety cropped up every month, but Remus felt particularly cruel after this transformation. As he was forced to settle into the monotony of everyday classes, pretending to James and the others that nothing had happened, the blind euphoria of the morning after his transformation seemed to fade quickly. His heart gave a funny jolt every time his eyes landed on Sirius, or when the boy spoke – leaping up with happiness and fondness and then jolting, suddenly downward again, like some sort of sick, jumpy rollercoaster. Being with Sirius, and the idea of Sirius having feelings for him had been something of a fantasy, and now that it was a reality…

**slighttimechangeyayaya**

He felt sick, staring over his food at lunch one day, but this time his lack of hunger wasn't from the transformation he had endured a few days prior. Telling Sirius his true feelings, had, at first, been a relief; a joy. And hearing Sirius relay them back, well… that was nothing short of a miracle. But the more he thought about it, the more guilt-wracked Remus felt. He couldn't turn back now or take his words away; but he couldn't let Sirius become involved with him, no matter how much Remus wanted to continue kissing him. He was a werewolf. Less than a week ago, he had transformed into the beast, leaving or helping produce scars and bruises on his very best friends, some of which might never heal. It was bad enough to have them as friends, when they had already risked everything for him, but to commit himself to Sirius… to love him? Sirius had been through enough already, even at only seventeen years of age. He didn't need to deal with looking after an outcast werewolf; a young boy who would never truly be able to be a part of the Wizarding world. Remus stared at his now cold steak-and-kidney pudding, feeling now, more horrible than ever. For Sirius to be someone he cared for, his friend, and now—he felt his heart drop once again—his _boyfriend_… he had certainly done an awful thing. Sirius may have _thought _he had feelings for Remus, he may have even fantasized about them being together, but Remus could not let Sirius commit his time and affections to loving such a miserable outcast as himself.

It was with a heavy heart that Remus sat down with Sirius in their dormitory, graciously alone, to speak to him about what he had been feeling.

"Sirius…" Remus began, carefully avoiding his gaze. He had almost felt the eagerness radiate off of Sirius as they had made their way up to the deserted dormitory, as if he knew something good was coming. That sense of expectation, and now Sirius' attempts to touch his shoulder, was making his confession that much harder, but he pressed onward. "Sirius," he said again, "I think I made a mistake the other day."

Instantly, Sirius' hand dropped from his shoulder, and Remus saw, from the corner of his eye, his mouth drop open. "_What?" _he gaped, "you don't…?"

"No, I do!" Remus blurted out, blushing horribly, "I do… care about you, I mean," he continued, trying to ignore his burning face, "but I don't… Padfoot, we can't be together."

"Why?" asked his friend immediately, "why not? I told you; I've been waiting for this… been wanting it for so long."

Remus shook his head, still determinedly not looking at his friend. He was feeing a strange sensation; a lump forming in the back of his throat, restricting his breathing and making it hard to continue talking. "I can't let you become involved with me," he said resolutely, "I'm not being fair to you."

_"What_ are you talking about?" said Sirius frantically, trying to peer into Remus' face, who turned even further away, swallowing hard. "Why can't we be 'involved'? What's not fair?"

Remus paused. Despite the obviousness of his answer, and despite the fact that Sirius, clearly, already was aware of his condition, he found this sentence harder to say that any. Finally, still unwaveringly ignoring the choking feeling that was growing stronger by the second, he managed to croak out, "I am a werewolf."

And shockingly, the sound that came from Sirius' mouth wasn't a cry, or a scoff, or even a sigh – it was a laugh. "You're a werewolf. Did you think I didn't _know _that, Remus?"

"_No,"_ said Remus, a stubborn tear he'd been trying and trying to keep in squeezed its way out of one eye, but he hastily rubbed it away. "I _know _you know that, Padfoot, but it doesn't change anything. I'm too dangerous. I'm an outcast. I can't let you risk yourself for that."

Sirius didn't laugh this time. Instead, he paused for a long while, so long that it seemed to Remus to stretch into hours, the soft ticking of Sirius' watch echoing loudly in their silence. Remus was tracing a pattern on his scarlet quilt, eyes blurring, determined not to blink because, if he did, he knew the tears would begin to spill from his eyes. This was all he had dreamed about for so many years, and yet this is what he _must_ do. To love someone, you had to let them go, and he had to protect Sirius.

"Moony…" said Sirius finally, gently lifting Remus' chin toward him, and Remus broke; the soft tears he had been holding back splashing gently onto Sirius' hand like a sudden summer downpour. He closed his eyes to hide his shame, and in spite of himself, he felt Sirius draw his face up further and kiss him, softly, Remus' lips damp from his own cries. He turned away at once, bitter, but Sirius pressed onward, speaking softly to him.  
"Yes, I know you're a werewolf. But why should that matter to me? When has it ever mattered to me?"

"This is different," Remus heard himself saying, "I can't let you give everything up like this."

"Give _what_ up?" asked Sirius, his voice beginning to rise now. He pulled Remus' face toward him again, speaking clearly, a hint of anger beginning to grow in his tone. "Tell me _what_ I have to lose, Remus! My family? I care a lot about that, don't I? My fucking honor?"

Remus made a stifled noise, but Sirius went on, his voice trembling slightly. "What, my goddamn decency, or my pride? My _friends_, Remus?"

"James," Remus managed to croak out, "James, he doesn't know—"

"So we won't _tell_ James!" Sirius shouted.

Somehow, the realization that Sirius would not even tell James of their relationship startled something within Remus. He was really serious about this.

"Remus, don't act as if I haven't already invested in this!" Sirius went on, "you feel guilty about us spending those years learning to become Animagus, but do you know why we did it; why we all did it? Why we continue to do it _every single month?_ We _care_ about you, Moony… and _none_ of us are losing anything to do that!

"Whether I am your friend… or something more," he said, his voice returning to a normal volume, though still slightly shaky, "I care about you. Nothing will change that. This has been the best week of my life," he said stubbornly, "and I have spent too much time wanting this to work for me to not let this happen. Especially now… that you've slipped up and told me the truth."

He was trying to make a joke. Remus tried to smile, but it was weak, and Sirius could tell he still felt guilty.

"The only thing you could do to hurt me is to _not_ let this happen," said Sirius in a final-sounding way, "I… well…"

And something in the way he was talking made Remus turn toward him again. He was looking somewhat embarrassed, but with a very determined air about him, and he leaned forward and grasped Remus' hand, intertwining his fingers with his the same as they had just a month prior.

"Well… I do you love, Remus," he said finally, smiling in such a way that Remus knew, though his heart ached, that it was the truth. Once again, Remus put aside his logic, his persistent knowledge that this was dangerous, this was bad, this was stupid…

He put it aside – for good this time, and let himself, finally, and completely become happy, melting into the kiss in which he belonged.

**NO THIS IS NOT THE END.**

**HOW COULD IT BEEE.**

**REVIEW?**

**ALSO, author alert me if you're looking forward to the sequel soon**


	12. Chapter 12

**No Better Mistake**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING. : )

**NOTES:**

**- it's not over! **

- There are 16 chapters to this story. Ready for more? I updated fast because I think I made things confusing. Also, this chapter is very short.

**12**

In the reflection of later weeks, Sirius knew he should have felt guiltier about hiding his and Remus' new relationship from the rest of the school. Instead of feeling anxious and cautious, however, the whole thing seemed to be a source of even greater excitement; the secretiveness of it all made Sirius' heart beat even faster whenever he glanced at his now constantly smiling companion. Sirius was giddy with affection for Remus, and the first months of their new relationship were punctuated by many visits to empty classrooms, hasty whispers, and slightly too familiar grabs.

During one particularly memorable Thursday morning, Sirius had gone so far as to be nearly half an hour late, causing James, who was practically squirming with anticipation to leave to find Lily, and then bounded out of the bathroom, fully dressed, to push Remus back onto his bed and begin pulling off his neat tie, ignoring Remus' squawks of protest. They had blissfully kissed for nearly another quarter of an hour, greatly rumpling Remus' sheets, before they realized that if they didn't get a move on, they really _would_ be late to class.

Remus too, though he was rather ashamed to admit it, had been a part of the reckless behavior. He had suddenly taken up an interest in patrolling the dark, winding corridors of the castle—Sirius always close behind—whenever James just happened to not be at Quidditch practice, or Head Boy duty. His excuses of "needing a bit of fresh air" or "going to the library" were growing more and more feeble, especially as the night air was growing colder, and he could hardly "go for a walk" when it was near freezing outside. Remus and Sirius were like newlyweds – intensified by their desire to keep it secret, and by the years of pent-up emotion; they took every secret moment to kiss, or touch, and sometimes spent so long talking at night that they could barely rise the next day. It was a wonder that James, or Peter, didn't discover what they were up too, as the punch-drunk Sirius was likely too, at any moment, pull something secretive on Remus, making him squirm uncomfortably… but grin all the same.

One night in early winter, the four boys were sitting around their familiar table in the Gryffindor common room. James, who had slowly begun to develop a steady studying schedule with Lily in the library, had already returned, and Lily had gone up to bed, but the lingering Transfiguration homework for the next day kept the four boys downstairs, desperately trying to finish it before midnight. Sirius, however, was finding it difficult to concentrate, with Remus (who had muttered excuses about becoming too warm by the fire) pressed against his side, their legs tightly together under the table; invisible to the others. He knew Remus wasn't really reading the book in front of him – he hadn't turned a page for nearly ten minutes now – and assumed he was thinking the same thing. It had been a busy day, and aside from a quick chat in the morning, they hadn't spent nearly any time alone. While it seemed futile to dream, Sirius longed for a minute alone with the boy, if not to do anything other than give him a quick snog… but as soon as they were done, he knew, all four would troop back up to the dormitory and pour into bed.

With the all-too-familiar mischievous glint in his eyes, Sirius let his hand drop below the table, running it along his leg until he felt Remus' palm, lacing his fingers into the others, who quickly suppressed a smile, remaining seemingly absorbed in his work. Sirius too, glued his eyes to the documents before him, but let his finger trace the nail of Remus' thumb, sliding his fingers in and out of their grasp. His hand was the perfect temperature, and now felt comfortable and easy within his grasp. It had become a natural motion for them, and Sirius ran his thumb over Remus' knuckles, reading them as if they were Braille. He felt Remus stiffen beside him as he slipped his hand away and slid it onto Remus' knee. James was scratching out a line of his essay, frowning, and Peter's eyes were squinted with determination at the fine print of his Transfiguration chart. The common room around them contained only a few, late night stragglers, most of who were as absorbed in work as they were; older students, with O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. exams to worry about.

But… Sirius was tired of work. He wanted to play.

Very slowly, he allowed his hand to drift further up Remus' knee, who began to blush, but shockingly, made no effort to stop him. Perhaps he thought it would have looked strange to remove his (now slightly quivering) hands from his book, or perhaps—and more likely, thought Sirius wickedly—he was just as eager as Sirius was. With one hand now propping up his chin, still staring at his notes, Sirius continued to slide his hand upward, stopping just on the pocket of Remus' faded corduroys.

Suppressing a grin, Sirius felt Remus move beside him, squirming. Remus seemed to be having an internal struggle, as he simultaneously attempted to move away from Sirius and scoot closer to him, pressing Sirius' legs and hands even closer to his body. When Sirius snuck a glance at him, he noticed that Remus was biting his lip ever so slightly, still staring fixedly at his work with an extremely glazed over expression. He seemed resolute not to look at Sirius… or anyone else, for that matter. They were so close together now that Sirius could feel the heat radiating from his body, particularly in the area that he was now inching even closer too…

Remus suddenly jerked the knee not touching Sirius up into the table, spilling Peter's bottle of ink everywhere. In a flash, the two unstuck, hurriedly gathering up their essays and charts in an attempt to save them from the rapidly spreading black ink. Remus was very pink in the face and was muttering an apology, pulling out his wand to clean the mess and then stuffing his books in his bag, hurrying rather stiffly out of the common room without turning toward them. Sirius, now unable to control himself, grinned after him.

"What's with him?" James asked, bemused, staring up at the spiral staircase.

"No idea," Sirius lied, gazing in the same direction.

By the time the other three exited the common room, a few minutes later, Remus had pulled the curtains closed around his bed, apparently asleep. James lumbered off to the washroom, toothbrush in hand, and Peter flopped unceremoniously onto his bed by the door, curled up into his blankets, and began snoring almost immediately. Sirius made his would-be casual way to his bedside table, which sat between his and Remus' bed. Still grinning, he quietly drew back the curtains surrounding the four-poster. There, Remus sat on his bed, still very much awake, still dressed the same as he had been earlier than day. Sirius beamed at him.

"_Don't_ do that again!" Remus hissed at him, but, after casting a hasty look around, he surprised both Sirius and himself; grabbing the front of Sirius' t-shirt and pulling him toward him. Their lips crushed together with all the secrets of lovers, Remus, still very flushed, his desperation for contact obvious. They broke apart quickly. Remus was chewing his lip again, looking up at Sirius, his eyes shining.

"Stay with me," Sirius muttered, feeling around for Remus' hands in the semi-dark. "Christmas break. Stay here with me."

Remus cast another, nervous glance around the dormitory. Peter was still snuffling across the room, the James could be heard running the water in the room next door. He looked apprehensive. "What about James and Peter? They might want to stay too."

Sirius brushed it off impatiently. "We'll make something up! Say yes, Remus."

Pausing only for a moment as if to weigh his options, Remus nodded, and Sirius kissed him quickly again, letting himself fall back slightly into the part of Remus' curtains. Remus consented only for a moment though, pushing off his friend and yanking his curtains shut, muttering to himself… "_Right_ before I go to bed, the stupid prat…"

Sirius smiled again, grabbing his things from his bedside table and hurrying off to get ready for sleep.

**See? I told you it wasn't over yet. There's more chapters to come. **

**Sorry for such a short chapter, but some of the upcoming chapters are veryyy long, if you know what I mean.**


	13. Chapter 13

**No Better Mistake**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING. : )

**NOTES:**

You guys are the best! Hope you're ready for more...

Purple is for my biffle.

**secret goal: **I would love to get to **200 **reviews by the end. Is this possible?

**13**

As luck would have it, Remus and Sirius didn't need to make any excuse for their seemingly independent decisions to stay at Hogwarts for the coming winter holidays. A few days later, when the list was posted for sign-up, James surprised them all by announcing that Lily had invited him to vacation with her family over the break. He seemed unashamed of this, but did grin in a proud sort of way when Sirius chided him, sticking out his chest and ruffling his hair back in his familiar habit.

"She wants me to spend time with her parents, now that we've been together for so long," he told them fondly over breakfast, spearing a sausage on his fork, "Though Mum and Dad say they'd love to have you, Sirius, of course."

"I think I'll stay here," said Sirius, smirking at James and punching him on the arm, "summer was enough time with them, thanks."

"Suit yourself," responded James. Peter would of course he returning to his mother for the holiday, but when James asked Remus if he would go home, he just smiled.

"Probably stay here as well," he said casually, and the conversation turned to that day's Hogsmeade trip, the final excursion before the train left back for London. Sirius, who was still sneering, told James that he would now have to get Lily's parents a Christmas gift as well as her, and he quickly lapsed into somber thought, obviously pondering this dilemma. He was still silent as they began to make their way into the crowd of older students heading toward the doors that led outside, where light snow was falling on an otherwise cloudy day. It was an extremely frigid winter morning, and Remus, who was very thin as it was, rubbed his hands briskly together, wishing Hogwarts students _were _allowed to apparate on the grounds… he might actually let Sirius take him by side-along in this weather. He thought wistfully of the hot, previous summer as they pulled on scarves and gloves, but was, cheered up slightly by the sight of James attempting to pull on an atrocious knitted hat with earflaps.

"Birthday present from Lily," he said gruffly** (once again, please ignore my random birthday dates)** as his three friends howled with laughter, and the four took off down the hill to the village of Hogsmeade, walking at a rather fast pace. By the time they reached Honeydukes, their teeth were chattering so much that they entered without hesitation. The shop was packed with Hogwarts students, but the warm, sweet-smelling air and shelves stocked with sugar quills, Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, and even the not-so-popular cockroach clusters made a friendly and bustling Christmas scene. Before long, the four boys had stripped off their coats and hats, and Remus found himself beside James, who was carefully examining a box of peppermint bark.

"What _should _I get parents?" he asked Remus quietly, glancing to check that Sirius was safely out of earshot. Remus glanced over at him as well – he was standing with Peter, talking about a new candy that made the consumer's tongue shrivel up. His head was bent downward to Peter's, the red hat wool hat adopt his black hair clashing horribly with the plum-colored, plaid flannel he'd thrown on earlier than morning. From his continuously dirtying Chuck Taylors, upward to his close-fitting, black jeans and the faded flannel, Sirius looked, to all the world, like the picture of dishevelment, but Remus smiled fondly. How different would things have been if Sirius still lived with _his _parents? He certainly wouldn't be dressing like he was (as Sirius now pushed his hat further down on his messy hair). Regulus, Sirius' younger brother, had walked several yards ahead of them on the way down to the village, and his sleek, short hair, expensive wool coat, and gang of Slytherins all told Remus that Regulus was still very much on good terms with Mr. and Mrs. Black, and, unlike the Potters, they expected their son to look a very particular way. Looking down at himself, in faded brown pants and an equally aged cardigan, Remus tried to imagine coming home for the holidays, with Sirius, to Grimmauld Place, but the question of what he would bring as a holiday gift was somewhat squashed by the question of whether or not he would even be allowed in the home. Remus turned back to James, thinking.

"Well, they're Muggles," he said, as they moved further down the shelf, examining treats, "but they like magic, don't they?" James' glasses were sliding down, and he pushed them back onto his nose impatiently. "Get them something they can use, then. There's a shop across the street we'll look in."

James nodded, looking slightly less worried. They edged their way around the numerous other chatting students, out of the shop, and back into the blustering winter wind, calling a hasty goodbye to Sirius and Peter. After a length bit of shopping, during which James finally decided on a gift for Lily's parents, they made their way down the almost empty road, thinking they would, as many other students had already decided, go get a butterbeer at the very crowded Three Broomsticks.

The bar was packed with students, teachers, and the regular crowd. With a restaurant serving hot food and alcohol, it was even more crowded than the sweet shop, but just the same, no one seemed to be minding. They were all too excited for their trips back to London the next day, happy to finally break from school, and enjoying the general hustle and bustle of so many students crammed into the bar at once. Rosmerta, a young witch only a few years older than Remus and James themselves, grinned and waved at them from behind the bar as she poured a tall glass of ale. They smiled back, knowing that the secrets of their many extra visits to Hogsmeade—sometimes during weekdays—would stay with her, judging from the exemplary tips and winks always left to her from James and Sirius. Remus had thought, once he and his friends had finalized the details on the Marauder's Map (including, of course, the secret way into the Honeydukes cellar) that the village would lose its charm to him, but, fortunately, that had not been the case. After he and James had moved their way into two empty barstools, and now sat in silence, drinking deeply and looking out the snow-covered windowsills, he was grateful to realize that he still felt the same rush of affection for the place as he had when he first entered third year. He and his friends had played chess countless times on the bar's warped wood counter, and they'd run, transformed into their respective animals, so many miles down the back alleys and streets. Remus continued to silently reminisce, so lost in thought that he forgot all about James; only noticing him again when James turned back to the counter and cleared his throat slightly.

Remus turned to him on his stool. James was looking past the bar into the mirror behind it, gazing interestedly at the reflection of students behind them. Remus looked too, curious. He could just briefly make out the curly head of Zoe Stone, the Ravenclaw, from behind a boy her age that she seemed to be talking to eagerly. He smiled—the boy seemed just an interested as she was; he kept making small moments, as if to reach for her hand. He was happy she had found a new interest, especially one that seemed so keen. Crowded around the same, small table were several other Ravenclaw girls, one of them Lily's friend, and another one, Remus recognized, as a past girlfriend of Sirius. This girl was the one who seemed to be drawing James' attention.

"Do you think Sirius has been acting oddly lately?" asked James. His voice was completely casual, and utterly normal, but Remus felt his heart leap into his throat all the same.

He took a hasty gulp of butterbeer to recover from what he was sure was a shocked expression, and then asked, "what do you mean?" in a tone he hoped was equally as nonchalant to James'.

James shrugged. He was still looking past Remus' image in the mirror to the girls, who were engrossed in their own conversations, not turning their heads toward the two boys. "I dunno," he seemed to be only mildly pondering the question, and Remus forced himself to try and calm down. James wasn't panicking, so why was he? "It's just weird how much he's changed over the past couple months," James continued, "he's gotten so much more… well, serious," at this he grinned, looking rather sheepish at his own bad pun. "But you know what I mean. He's not dating as many girls as he used too, and he hasn't played any jokes on anyone… all term."

Remus thought for a moment about this statement. He wanted to be as honest as he could with James, so he chose his next words carefully. "Well, I think the old Sirius—with the pranks, and the uh—girls, and what have you," (he faltered a bit) "I think he was just a bit young then. It's just a continuous change after what happened with Snape… and after missing that transformation last year."

James nodded. "Yeah, that's what Lily says too—about the transformation, I mean. Says he must still feel guilty about it, though I'm not really sure why. I mean, you talked to him, didn't you?"

"Of course," said Remus hastily, "He knows I didn't care."

"I mean, don't get me wrong," continued James, "he's still my best mate… and a great guy at that. I just thought he'd been acting a bit… different, lately. This summer too, when he was with you, I suppose. Thanks for that, by the way," he added as an aside to Remus, who was now fiddling with some cashews in a bowl in front of him, "I think he was getting a bit tired of me and Lily by then."

Remus laughed, picking up one of the shelled nuts and trying to stand it on its side. "We had a pretty good time," he said honestly, "But don't worry about Sirius too much. I think he's just… into some different things now." **(sorry to interrupt, but LOL.) **He felt guilty about not telling James the whole truth, but this sentence was about as close as he could come. Remus and Sirius had jointly made a decision to keep their relationship a secret, at least for now, and Remus knew any guilt or unease he might feel about that situation was only more so within Sirius, so if Sirius could keep his silence, so could Remus.

James now turned his attention toward Zoe, who was still chatting happily with her fellow Ravenclaw. "Isn't that the girl you were tutoring for a little while?"

"Yes," said Remus. As usual, he was fairly good at hiding his emotions from James, so he responded in his typical matter-of-fact air. "I stopped teaching her a while ago, though."

"Aww, but she was so sweet on you!" James teased, now turning and smirking toward Remus. Remus rolled his eyes. He didn't really have a good reason to give to James as to why he had stopped seeing the younger girl, but James seemed much more keen on making fun of Remus than actually knowing the real intention behind his actions. By the time James had finishing mocking Remus, Peter and Sirius had found their way into the bar and squeezed their way toward them, remarking that they better go ahead and get back up the castle, as they were likely to get snowed in otherwise.

As they trudged back up the castle, clutching their purchases and re-tying their scarves, Remus continued to think about what James had asked him in the Three Broomsticks. Sirius had changed a lot over the past year; from social, to withdrawn, and finally—Remus realized with a sudden shock—to genuinely happy, or at least, happier than he'd ever seemed a year ago. As strange and unexpected as it was that the result of that feeling was from Remus, he still brightened up somewhat at the thought, the gloved fingertips of his hand brushing Sirius' ever so slightly. As they neared the castle, its many turrets and towers brushed with the angelic white snow, Remus couldn't help but feel a rush of mounting excitement. He had felt guilty about lying to Peter and James, but by this time tomorrow, they would be gone, and winter break would belong all to himself and Sirius. As if Sirius' gloved touch were wiping his memory, all trances of remorse left Remus, and he focused solely on the upcoming time in which Sirius and himself, alone in Gryffindor tower, would finally have the entirely of their dormitory to themselves.

**I'm focused solely on it too!**

**I would like to point out a review from the lovely buggie21: **

**"I recall in Chapter 1 that James says, "How—how long have you been fucking?" Then, after more awkward arguing, Sirius replies, "James, we're not just fucking!"**

**Soo, judging that there are a few chapters left of this particular fic, I'm guessing there will be some serious lovin going on between our favorite couple. And I kind of can't wait"**

**I can't either!**


	14. Chapter 14

**No Better Mistake**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING. : )

**NOTES:**

- Sorry it's been a few days. I've been working feverishly on the sequel to the story! Now, I'm home for break and will hopefully finish it soon.

- This is the chapter we've all been waiting for! I tried **really, really hard **to make this as tasteful as possible. This is probably the most edited chapter of the whole story, so, please, **let me know what you think.**

**READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED: This chapter contains mature content.**

**14**

Every minute of the next morning and afternoon seemed to stretch into ten times its normal duration. All throughout breakfast, lunch, and Peter and James' last-minute packing, Remus fretted, somehow thinking that, at the last minute, one of them would question his decision to stay at school, or notice that he was exchanging heated, secret glances with Sirius. Finally, as it neared mid-afternoon, the boys took off to Hogsmeade station, leaving Remus and Sirius utterly and completely alone. They were amongst only a few that had chosen to stay back from Gryffindor, and the common room was virtually deserted when they trooped back up to it after waving a not-so-genuine goodbye to their friends. Most students, Remus assumed, were either studying in the library, or participating in a rather rousing snowball fight that was occurring on the front lawn. However, the Gryffindor common room fire was lit and blazing merrily, his favorite seat was open, and Remus was more than happy to curl up, nestled with his back into Sirius' chest, with a blanket and a good book. It was a relief to lounge there, not having to worry about being walked in on or interrupted, to feel like a normal, unrushed couple for once. Sirius dozed in and out of sleep, stroking Remus' hair without thinking, and Remus had to rouse him via shake, several hours later, for the Christmas feast, which they walked down to together.

The castle was so much quieter than they were during normal school hours, the only sounds echoing through the vast corridors were the soft murmurs of the portraits, exchanging Christmas greetings with their neighbors, and the distant sounds of students in halls up ahead. Outside of the common room, Remus didn't dare each for Sirius' hand, but, all the same, they walked very close together as they made their way down to the Great Hall. The dim torches were casting shadows all down their faces; Sirius' dark, side-swept hair picking up the small bits of light that radiated through. Remus, though he couldn't see, was almost floating through the comfortable, anticipatory fog that seemed to hang around Sirius and himself, his eyes, glowing a bright, familiar amber as they stepped into the hall. Remus had stayed at Hogwarts only a few times over the Christmas holidays, but, perhaps due to the exceptionally cold weather, there seemed to be even fewer students than ever before, only taking up one table.

Dinner seemed to be over as soon as it started—the turkey, his goblet of ale, and the various loud crackers all blurred together in Remus' mind. He answered the questions people asked him, and even made jokes to the students beside him, but all through the dinner he could only focus on Sirius' left hand, resting lightly on his knee, and the coming night, where they would be finally, and graciously, alone. He looked up, during their final pudding, into the bewitched ceiling of the Hall, but the snow falling from it did not make him feel cold, as it normally did. He felt like he was in some sort of haze, and before he knew it, Dumbledore was casting them all off to bed again, sending the students off to their respective common areas and wishing them a happy Christmas. As Sirius and himself called goodnight to the few other Gryffindors in the common room, making their way up the spiral staircase toward their abandoned dormitory, Remus wondered mildly why he didn't feel more nervous. Although he had never discussed with Sirius what he was sure what would occur in only a moment's time, he somehow only felt a vague sense of curiosity.

Sirius shut the door behind them with a soft _click_, and Remus suddenly found himself standing before Sirius, who was smiling rather oddly at him.

All at once, he realized he was seeing Sirius, and Sirius was gazing at him, as he had never seen him before—not as a friend, or an infatuation, or even a heated, secret romance. He was seeing him as a lover; a person whose stare was now piercing into him so intensely that Remus found he couldn't have turned away, even if he'd wanted too. Sirius looked, in his wool sweater and jeans, more attractive them Remus had ever seen him before. The dim lights of the room was bouncing off his long, thin features; his hands hung simply at his sides, and his mouth, full, and inviting was stretched into a soft smile. Remus could feel every muscle in his body flexing; it seemed as though every small hair that crossed his arms and legs lifted at once, and he shivered slightly, although the room was warmed considerably by the fire. The vague, hazy fog that had surrounded Remus all day swiftly lifted, and he crossed over to Sirius, stretching up on his toes to softly bring his lips to his.

As it always was when he kissed Sirius, it was bliss, but this time, there was something different about the way their lips met together. There was a sense, now, that it was a beginning; an entrance into something much bigger than a few minutes romp on a four-poster bed before class. It was agreement between the two of them, to let his happen, to _want_ it to happen… and Remus found himself pushing further into their kiss, parting his lips and feeling Sirius' lips and tongue, hot inside his open mouth. This was really going to happen, and though he didn't know how or why, he was ready for it.

They were backing up slowly now, still embracing. One of Remus' hands was gripping the front of Sirius' sweater, and Sirius had both hands on his lower back, as if holding him in place. Sirius led the way to his bed, pulling Remus with him, and lowering Remus down onto the quilt. Remus let himself slip away into simple action, no thoughts, kissing Sirius more deeply than he ever had before, taking in every sensation of his mouth, his skin, even his teeth and tongue. He was only vaguely aware of the placement of his hands or what he was doing with the rest of his body; he only let himself fall deeply into the connection. Sirius was planting light, single kisses on his lips, and then he released himself from their lip lock, and began to let his hands roam down his body. With his eyes shut, Remus was only dimly aware that Sirius had removed his shoes and socks, but he found his own hands fumbling with the buttons of his cardigan, pulling it off and dropping it onto the floor between the beds. Without hesitation, Sirius pulled the bottom of his t-shirt upward, and Remus, taking the fabric from him, pulled it off and over his head. A transformation a few weeks ago had given him new battle scars, and even the old, faded bite mark from his initial attack shone out against his pale skin in the flickering light of the dormitory. Sirius traced all of these with his hands, breathing softly onto Remus' chest, and stomach. Eyes shut again, Remus gave the slightest exhale of breath as he felt Sirius begin to softly kiss every scar that crisscrossed his almost skeletal chest.

He sighed, again, as Sirius made his way up his torso, pausing as the soft, fine hairs of his stomach and chest tickled his nose, taking his time to examine every inch of the skin, as if he were trying to commit it to memory. He stopped again as he reached Remus' collarbone, kissing, and nibbling slightly more aggressively at the spot he knew was sensitive. The feeling off his mouth, and even his teeth, was far from painful however—Remus even had to suppress a moan that creeped up as Sirius bit him playfully; even more aroused at the knowledge that, that one, at least, would leave a blemish. Sirius seemed to be making every attempt to brand him with his mark, and Remus put up for it as long as he could take it, finally pulling Sirius' chin up toward his and kissing him, hard. It was almost like a signal between the two of them; a transfer of power, because Remus suddenly found himself pushing Sirius down where he had just lay, one hand eagerly pulling off his shirt as Sirius kicked his own shoes off. Much like Sirius had just done, he kissed all the way Sirius' chest, but with more fervor, not at all in the slow, appreciating way that Sirius had; pausing only to shock himself with the intensity at which he pulled Sirius' skin between his teeth, making the older boy groan with approval. With one hand still on the boy's chest, now feeling the hardening, sensitive nubs under his fingers, Remus found his other hand reaching for the boy's belt. Sirius' hands met him at once to assist him, and he pulled it off quickly, casting it downward to meet with their shirts and shoes. Remus was flushed in the face now; Sirius, sweating slightly, as he popped the many buttons apart along the front of Sirius' jeans. Sirius, again, helped in pulling his pants off, and Remus suddenly found himself staring up at Sirius' face; stopping abruptly.

Sirius was looking at him with a very intense gaze, his hands slightly shaking as they moved to find their way through Remus' fine hair. Remus placed his hands on the front of the thin, cotton shorts, his thumbs tracing the outside of the waistband, then the pearly buttons that kept them together. He could feel how badly Sirius wanted this to happen, how much—he shivered at the thought—Sirius wanted _him, _and the thought of this, combined with the dizzy, somewhat out-of-body feeling, made him hesitate.

"Do you—?" he began, looking up again at Sirius.

"Only if you want too," said Sirius shakily, his hands still stroking Remus' head. Remus looked back down at what was before him, drawing his hand down the front of Sirius' shorts and feeling what swelled underneath; so similar to what he was used to, and yet, so different. Sirius let out a moan of longing, and Remus took that as his cue to slip Sirius out of the boxers, leaving him completely nude, lying back on his own bed, his dark head falling back onto the pillows. To resist from grabbing himself with his now twitching hands, Sirius let one hand graze Remus' back, who was crouched next to him and now beginning to gently caress Sirius with his hands.

Remus seemed somehow fascinated with what was now before him, but he drew his hands up and down along Sirius' length to show that he did, in fact, know what he was doing. Sirius let out another long moan as he felt Remus' mouth, and only his love for Remus kept him from grasping his head and guiding him closer. Instead, he gently pushed Remus away from him, bringing him, once again, to lay down on the bed.

"But I—" Remus began, but Sirius shushed him.

"I want this to be about you," he said simply, running his hands along Remus' thighs until he felt what he knew was growing larger by the second underneath. He grinned, unfastening Remus' cords and boxers and pulling them off, throwing them into the now rather large pile between their beds. He made his way up Remus' legs in a very similar way that he had on Remus' chest, stopping to kiss fondly in certain areas, all the while beginning his painfully slow, up and down strokes.

It was a bliss that had no name; to have someone else, somehow he not only found very attractive, but also someone who he cared for very much; touching and caressing him in a way that was so unbelievably intimate. He had fantasized many nights about these moments, but never had Remus been able to comprehend how it really would feel, and now that he found himself in that situation, he could hardly control himself. His head was spinning; he felt so vulnerable, and yet so safe; so powerful, and yet so helpless, because he did not want Sirius to stop. Remus, in spite of himself, let out a groan of "_Sirius…"_, which sent Sirius over the edge; he took Remus fully and completely into his eager mouth, making Remus throw his head back in a surge of ecstasy. Yes, It was _so _much better than Remus had ever imagined, feeling Sirius' hands and mouth roam all over the most sensitive parts of his body, knowing that, as he lay, quivering, still Sirius moaned with longing for him.

He didn't know how long he was going to last, with Sirius making him feel the way he was, yet he needed to tell Sirius, to let him know he wanted to do what they were alone for; he wanted to make their relationship much, much more intimate…

He unthinkingly moaned Sirius' name again, and, as if by code, he felt Sirius slip a finger inside his body, attempting to prepare him for what he was now asking Sirius to do. Remus squirmed with the feeling of it; it was new, but so deliriously pleasurable. With difficulty, as his brain seemed to be struggling to function under the continuous waves of satisfaction now passing through, he breathed out, "have you ever… done this?"

"Not with a man," Sirius muttered, pausing only briefly from his job. His chest was going up and down rather quickly, his hands maneuvering deftly outside, and inside, of Remus' body. He was on his knees on the floor before him, but now he looked up at his lover, drawing himself slightly apart from him. "Are you _sure_ this is what you want?"

"I'm positive…" groaned Remus, as Sirius stood up, maneuvering himself back onto the bed, and slowly, carefully, began to lower his body onto Remus'.

It was a feeling like nothing else Remus had had before; but the most full and shocking of all his sensations was that he suddenly felt, more than ever, complete. With Sirius, who was now beginning to move slowly, entering his body, Remus knew that he had made the right decision in trusting him. Their bodies moved in unison, as if they had rehearsed their actions, and yet everything was so unexpected, every new wave of sensation exciting, and new. Sirius was simultaneously stimulating every part of his body; he could hear Sirius, who was now on top of him, breathing heavily in time with their actions. Remus dug his nails into the sides of his torso, so lost in pleasure that he drew blood. Sirius didn't seem to mind, however—quite to the contrary, he moaned even deeper, pausing in his movements to kiss Remus heatedly. They were both soaked with sweat—Sirius' slippery hands, gripping him tightly; still stroking, the feeling of their bodies, entwined; Sirius' soft skin and hot breath on Remus' neck; the sounds of their moans mixing in the air.

It was a multi-sensory experience as Remus felt all his walls come down, giving in totally and completely to the complete liberation of his built-up ecstasy. At almost the same moment, he felt Sirius do the same, and the force of their combined release, mingled with sweat and groans, sent Remus into such a spiraling twist of pleasure that he wasn't sure he would ever come back up. It was a several more minutes before the two finally broke apart, still panting, both slightly trembling from the complete liberation. Sirius then, carefully disentangling himself, slid up beside his lover, pulling Remus up in his open arms, so that they were both kneeling on the bed, embracing. He wasn't pink in the face, as Remus was, but his chest was flushed with sex; his mouth, eager to find Remus' neck and kiss him gently there, as Remus nestled his face, gasping, into the crook of Sirius' shoulder.

"You are amazing," he whispered to Remus. Their bodies were still pressed together, but much less heatedly now, softly molding together like perfect puzzle pieces. "So… amazing…"

They curled up together on Sirius' bed, the sheets around them damp from sweat and their bodily fluids. Remus could feel Sirius' heartbeat thumping against his uncovered back, and he reached behind him to grasp Sirius' hand in his. Already he could feel his eyelids begin to droop, exhausted from the effort of making love. There was no other word for it—he felt so right in his own skin, if in no moment other than that one. With Sirius' hands in his, their sweat sticking their naked bodies together, he smiled into the pillow.

"I love you," he said honestly, turning his head slightly to meet the kiss Sirius gave him, and the two dissolved quickly and easily into restful, joined sleep.

**So, was it tasteful enough? Like I said, it took me so long to fix it up. Let me know what you think! 49 reviews to go (I'm dreaming big)!**


	15. Chapter 15

**No Better Mistake**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING. : )

**NOTES:**

**- A quick update for all your awesome people. I'm glad everyone liked the last chapter! I have been so looking forward to posting it. And guess what? I'm about a page away from finishing the sequel, so I will begin to post it as this one draws to a close.**

**- If anyone wants to offer me a little advice about the document manager, that would be great. I'm a tad confused. Can I delete documents that have already been uploaded as chapters? FF is very different from when I first used it (years ago).**

**- You guys are great; have a happy Thanksgiving!**

**15**

Remus woke very suddenly and quickly on Christmas morning. His first thought was that he was freezing, but this was very closely followed by his second thought: where was Sirius?

Remus turned over in bed, expecting to see Sirius breathing deeply beside him, but all he found were the piles of now clean sheets (how he loved magic). Remus was cocooned inside one of them, shivering slightly. He sat up in bed, reaching for the pitcher of water beside him, which lay next to Sirius' crumpled pack of cigarettes, both lit softly by the light flowing in from the window, kissing Remus on his face. His mouth was dry from the night before, and he could still smell Sirius' scent upon himself and in the empty room—cigarette smoke, sweat, and the undeniable smell of sex. Their clothes were still strewn about the dormitory floor. Remus smiled vaguely at them, his head still fuzzy from sleep, but drew himself up, wrapped like a caterpillar in his blankets, and then walked toward the open bathroom door, where he could hear water running.

Sirius was standing in the single shower at the far end of the room, the glass door of the stall slightly cracked, hot steam issuing forth to fill the room and fog the mirrors. He had his head tilted, letting the water run down his back, and Remus couldn't help but stop and admire him; standing there, dripping wet and soapy, so unashamed of his body and himself. He couldn't believe that just the night before, the young man standing before him had done what he had—simultaneously taking from him, and giving Remus something much, much better in return. Sirius seemed to sense Remus there, because he turned to him, waving through the cloudy glass door. Remus grinned back at him, still wrapped in his covers.

"Cold?" Sirius called, sticking his head out from the crack of the shower door. "You can join me if you like."

Remus hesitated only for a moment before dropping the sheet around him on the ground, pulling the shower stall door open further and scooting inside. He was shocked at his own daring, but at this point, what did he really have to be ashamed of? Feeling the water his neck and chest, covered in tiny bruises, he was reminded that Sirius had seen it all. He had kissed every inch of his body last night, he had touched and seen parts of Remus in a way that no one else had ever dared. Continuing to surprise himself, Remus felt a surge of satisfaction at the sight of Sirius' love-bitten chest, and the faded nail marks gouged into his sides. Sirius seemed to have the same thoughts about modesty and pride as Remus, as he now moved to embrace him from behind, facing toward the waterfall of hot water.

"How are you feeling?" he murmured in his ear, and Remus leaned his head backward to further feel Sirius' scratchy chin. Sirius' hands were tangled in his, just above his bellybutton. The heat of the small bathroom was an enormous relief—it loosened Remus' bones, and muscles, including his tongue.

"I feel fine," he said honestly, "I feel… happy." He was being truthful, of course. It was a new feeling, but "happy" was the simplest way he could think to describe it—somehow, saying what he really felt—"I'm totally and completely in love with you, Sirius Black" sounded a bit too sappy.

Sirius untangled himself from their embrace and carefully began to massage shampoo into Remus' tousled hair, who closed his eyes, and let himself enjoy the touch. Sirius seemed to be taking a lot of pride in taking care of Remus; he seemed to enjoy being the bigger, more dominant man in their relationship. Remus, who had never been one to allow anyone to baby him, had to admit he was also enjoying it somewhat. There was something very endearing about having someone around you who seemed to make every effort to ensure your comfort, and Sirius', as rough as he could be, was surprisingly gentle with his touch. As they washed the soap from their hair, Remus turned to smile at Sirius, looking up into his face.

"Thank you," he said simply, as Sirius handed him a bar of soap, allowing him to rub the soap across his chest and body before letting the water float all of their suds down the drain.

He could have stayed in that shower for hours—but only several minutes later, Remus and Sirius both stepped out into the now very steamy bathroom. If they had been like newlyweds before, it was nothing compared to now—Remus felt almost giddy with their echoed laughter as Sirius threw him a towel, rumpling up his hair with it like he was a very small child. Sufficiently washed and dried, they two boys threw on shorts and t-shirts, and then, still shivering slightly in the cold dormitory, climbed back into Sirius' warm, dry bed.

It couldn't have been a more perfect Christmas day. The chilly, snow-covered grounds looked beautiful out their frosted dormitory window; the fire blazing merrily in the center of the room. The gifts that had been magicked up from their parents and friends lay, untouched at the foot of their beds until mid-afternoon, when they finally untangled themselves to open them. They laughed together at the poorly made knit hats from Lily (they would now match James in their ridiculousness), but Sirius seemed delighted with the record player Remus had found in the semi-Muggle shop with James, immediately putting one of his favorite records to softly play as they continued with their Christmas. The biggest surprise of all came, however, when Remus untied the bow around the carefully wrapped box from Sirius, opening it to find a small, golden key.

"I've got my own place to move in to after school," he told Remus, who was staring down at the shining object, "And I wondered if you wanted to… well, come live with me there."

Remus' head shot up, staring at Sirius, but Sirius had already begun to answer the question forming on his lips. "It's small, but it's got some land—not as much as you're used to here, or at home, obviously—but I'll be there when you have to transform, of course—"

Remus cut him off with a kiss so intense and sudden that Sirius' eyes remained open. When they drew apart, Remus was blushing, but Sirius laughed. "I guess that's a yes, then?"

**t i m e c h a n g e t i m e c h a n g e**

They stayed in bed for the rest of the day, leaving only to steal food from the kitchens or get up to prod the fire back into roaring flames. It was unbelievably comfortable, to lie there, tangled up in blankets and limbs with the person he cared for most, talking, napping, and reaching up to kiss Sirius whenever he pleased. They made love for a second time as the sun began to set, the room growing dimmer, and this time it was much more heated; the hesitation and shyness of the night before long forgotten. The only thing that made the day better was the knowledge that, with the exception of their holiday work, Remus and Sirius were free to do this until James and Peter came back, and then—Remus realized, scooting closer against Sirius, who was rubbing his exposed back—when summer came, they could spend _every_ day like this, alone, and without having to hide.

As the night drew to a close, Remus watched Sirius stand beside his bed, his hands and face leaning toward the open window, drawing slowly on his lit cigarette, the only light in the room other than the dim glow of the waxing moon. In just a week, Remus would undergo another transformation into the werewolf that was so unlike himself, but for right now, the moon that lit up Sirius' face did not give him any pain. Sirius only had a bed sheet about his shoulders and waist, and he broke his gaze from off into the distance to turn and smile at Remus, who still cocooned himself inside the sheets on the four-poster. The sounds of one of Sirius' records was still echoing dimly on the player across the room; the soft music reminded Remus of the night, many months ago now, that he had first allowed himself to give in, and then, drunkenly, act on his impulses. He had been so convinced then that he was making the biggest error of his life, but now, watching the tall, dark-haired boy put out his cigarette and close the dormitory window, feeling him crawl into bed beside Remus and pull his back against his chest, he would not have wished for anything different. For the first time in his life, Remus had it all—Sirius Black, his best friend and lover, a safe place to stay, and the greatest, most supportive friends in the world. His final thoughts before he drifted off into sleep, hearing Sirius' breathing grow deeper and steadier in his ear, were, for once, not of the upcoming full moon, not full of guilt or sorrow or anxiety, and not filled with dread at his secrets being discovered. Instead, he let himself be absorbed by Sirius' embrace, the scent of him filling his noise, and with the image of his face on his brain, he fell gracefully into dreams.

**::happy sigh::**

**I love that last image. I'm really happy with how this has all turned out, if that's okay to say.**

**BUT - don't forget where the story began! I'm so close to my goal of reviews, so thoughts are great!**

**one more chapter to go.**


	16. Chapter 16

**No Better Mistake**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, or any other related characters from the world of Harry Potter. I also don't own the setting, plot lines, relationships, etc. ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING. : )

**NOTES:**

**I REACHED MY GOAL! In fact, I PASSED it! Wow! **

**Thank you guys so, so much for how supportive everyone has been, and all the great feedback I've received. It has made me so happy to be able to share what I love with people who love it as well! I know that's sappy, but really; thanks.**

**This is the last chapter!**

**16**

It was scarcely a fortnight later that everything began to change for Remus and Sirius and their newly intimate relationship. The rest of Christmas break had been like a romantic, sensual dream, but, before they knew it, James, Peter, and the rest of the Gryffindors were back, and Remus and Sirius were forced to draw apart again, resigned to take whatever secrets moments they could to be together. James was fairly predictable in his schedule, particularly when it came to events involving Lily, so they were able to get a fair number of minutes alone in the day, but Remus found himself constantly in a state of longing. He hated going to his own bed at night, so alone, but only mere feet away from Sirius, who would lay awake, staring at him, wishing for the same thing—that they could sleep beside each other, the space between their two beds disappearing. It was agony not to be able to touch Sirius in class, or in the halls. Remus now realized why Sirius had looked at Lily and James with such longing. He was incredibly jealous of every "normal", non-secretive couple, and he surprised himself with how badly he wanted the world to know of his relationship. The only comfort Remus got was after his next transformation, where Sirius, as usual, stayed with him the next morning, but he was so exhausted and injured from what a been a particularly rough night that he was barely able to sit up, let alone take advantage of his time alone with the boy. The question of if—or when—they would tell their friends of their relationship was becoming a much bigger issue as each day passed. Sirius was growing anxious, hating lying to James, and Remus, too, wanted to come clean, but neither seemed to know where to begin. Instead, they were resigned to expressing their emotions only in private.

However…

All that came to a screeching, devastating halt one evening in January, a week after the latest full moon.

They had been lounging on Remus' bed, lying quietly after a day of lessons and N.E.W.T. preparations. Sirius, who had gotten back only a few minutes earlier from a detention, was still in his school uniform, but Remus, who still felt somewhat ill from the week earlier, had already curled up into bed. They knew when James was due to come back. They knew they were taking a risk, laying in bed, beginning to kiss the way they were, when James and Peter were so close, ready to enter the dormitory at any moment. In a way, maybe they had wanted to get caught; their limbs entwining on the single bed, their cheeks flushed with affection, ready to begin what would be a life-changing conversation with James, who now sat before Remus, his mouth open, hanging on his every word…

**o o O O o o O O o o O O o o**

Remus drew his story to a close, his voice faltering the tiniest bit as he struggled to find a way to sum up what he was trying to say. James was staring at him, eyes wide, and his gaze went from Remus, back to Sirius, who was still sitting on the floor before him, and back again. He appeared to be seeing the two of them for the first time, and he opened and closed his mouth several times, seemingly unable to find the right words to say.

"That was beautiful, Remus," came a soft voice from the doorway, and all three of the shocked boys turned to look.

Lily stood there, holding a book, smiling at Remus in such a kind way that Remus felt like he might break. She crossed the room to them, and, dropping the book (which Remus assumed James had forgotten beforehand) into James' open hands, took a seat beside Remus on his bed, and pulled him in to such a warm, tender hug that Remus could just barely suppress the emotion now growing up inside him. Releasing him after a long moment, she stood again, extending her hand to Sirius, who unfolded himself from the floor, and embracing him the same.

Sirius completely broke down at this point, holding on the small, beautiful girl as if she were his only lifeline. She held him up for several, long minutes, the sounds of Sirius' heavy breathing into her thick, red hair, and when they eventually drew apart, she pushed his hair off his face, smiling at him in a way that could only be described as love. Sirius sank down on his bed, across from Remus and James, and finally, Lily made her way over to James, making her seat beside him and taking his open palm in one of her hands.

"Did you_ know_?" asked James, turning now to gape at her.

She was still smiling. "Not for sure, James, but I did have an idea. Even you said you thought Sirius had been acting differently lately."

For the first time since Remus had begun his story, Sirius looked over at his best friend, who still avoided his gaze. "I didn't think… Not this…" James murmured. He ran his hand through his hair again, distracted, and Remus had to stop the urge to scoot closer to him and put a palm on his shoulder.

"James," said Lily, still holding his fingers in hers, using a thumb to lift his chin up so he looked directly into her emerald green eyes. "You heard what Remus said. You and I both know what he feels like."

Remus felt a dull sense of shock penetrate his otherwise numb body. He knew James and Lily had grown closer over the past year, but Lily was now speaking of their feelings for each other as openly as she had talked with Remus before the fire the fall before. She seemed unashamed of her emotions, and she smiled at James still, surprising Remus further by softly kissing him.

"They're my best friends," said James quietly. He seemed to have forgotten that Sirius and Remus were in the room. In an almost ironic way, he, once again, only had eyes for Lily, but he didn't seem angry talking to her… only confused, stuck, like trying to wade his way through thick mud. She tugged again at his hands, entwined with hers.

"Exactly," she said, "your _best _friends. And they are very much in love."

Lily's soft touch, her genuine smile, and her piercing, emerald eyes, and her final, intrinsically true statement suddenly seemed to break James from his trance. He slowly stood up from the bed where he sat, crossing the few steps to Sirius, and then pulled up into an hug, embracing him like a brother.

Remus heard Sirius' sigh of relief, and choked sob as he hugged James back, and even James' eyes behind his glasses were somewhat wet as he turned, then, to Remus, pulling him into a similar hold. Lily looked over at them fondly.

"All right," said James, as they finally all drew apart, reaching for Lily's hand, who took it graciously. All four of them stood in the dormitory, and Remus felt a huge surge of happiness as he saw the familiar gleam begin to return in James' eyes. He looked at his watch, then up again at them.

"It's 11:15," he said, a small smile crossing his face as he looked at Sirius. Lily, who still held his hand, began to draw him out the door, and he grabbed the book that she had brought with her up into the dormitory. "You've got half an hour, you hear me?"

And they left, leaving Remus to stare up at Sirius, who now had a slow grin beginning to form. Remus had always felt he had been in the wrong place at the wrong time; always a step forward, or two steps behind. Somehow, it seemed his whole life, and every error in it, was a result of countless mistakes. However, as Remus stared at Sirius, whose dark hair was rumpled, his shirt buttons, still askew, and Remus felt a huge rush of affection. His head was flooded from the words he had just spoken. In just under half a year, Sirius had gone from a mere fantasy, to a wave of good memories—lying under the warm sun, exchanging hidden glances, their first, secretive kiss… to just a few weeks ago, lying in bed, tossing and turning in surges of ecstasy… Through Remus' many, many mistakes, Sirius had become everything Remus had ever hoped for, everything he'd ever imagined, and nothing he thought he could have ever deserved. The stream of errors, and the secret Remus had dared to believe had not only become reality, but it had become _accepted_. They—his best, and most loyal friends—had accepted him as a werewolf, an abomination, and now they had accepted him for fully and completely who he was—a young, simple boy… who was, as Lily had put it, very much in love. Nothing else could replace that feeling, and no other path could have led him to it.

Sirius was grinning, his smile so easy, and so familiar. It was a smile Remus knew, at that moment, that he wanted to see every day… for the rest of his life. A smile that was flawed, just like Remus; a smile he saw despite all of those things.

"Tell me again about that part about you in the shower," he said to Remus, who laughed in spite of himself, and the two fell back again on Remus' bed, bodies tangled.

As Remus pressed close against Sirius again, breathing him in, he smiled; a real, full grin. Everything that had led him here had been a mistake… but as he closed his eyes, feeling Sirius' lips meet against his, he knew… there was no such thing as a better mistake.

**THE END!**

I WILL START POSTING THE SEQUEL WITHIN THE WEEK!

**_Please author alert me if you would like to read it!_**


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